For those of you unaware, Michael Bay has cast the role of April O’Neil in his upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, where the namesake characters will not actually be teenagers or mutants as far as we can tell. But, one hoped, he would accurately and responsibly cast the role of O’Neil, a formative heroine for many young women of my generation.
Instead, he cast Megan Fox.
Allow me to respond in the most rational and calm manner possible:
FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY! FUCK YOU SO HARD MICHAEL BAY! YOU DOUCHEBAG LOOKING FUCKER! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU, MEGAN FOX! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! DIDN’T YOU CALL THIS GUY “HITLER” ONCE AND NOW YOU’RE MAKING ANOTHER FUCKING MOVIE TOGETHER? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MEGAN FOX!
ONCE AGAIN: FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. HERE, LET ME PUT MY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS INTO A FORM YOU WILL FUCKING UNDERSTAND, MICHAEL BAY:
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR EXPLOSIONS, FUCK MEGAN FOX, FUCK YOUR “ALIEN” NINJA TURTLES, FUCK EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF MEDIA YOU FUCKING GET NEAR, FUCK YOU MICHAEL FUCKING BAY.
–Ashly is an IHO Geek writer and FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY FUCKING FUCK FUCK MICHAEL BAY on Twitter at @newageamazon