Super Old, Male, Middle Earth
I have many names including Saruman the White and Wise, Curunír, and more recently, Sharkey. Looking for a major hottie and majordomo to help build and run my empire. Ideologically open-minded is a plus, but servitude to myself and by extension the High Lord Sauron is an A-plus.
What I’m Doing With My Life:
I am real estate and industrial tycoon with beautiful riverside property along the Isen with access to the scenic trails of Fangorn Forrest. At one time I was a lover of nature and enjoyed attending Entmoot Con, but lately my interest have swayed more toward running real-time strategy games and gem and jewelry collecting.
I’m Really Good At:
I’m a people person and a leader. For centuries I was chair of my local wizard chapter before I parted ways with the organization to pursue my own personal projects. I still like to check in with old friends from time to time over the old palantir. Call me a hipster, but I’ll choose the ancient dark arts to stay in touch with pals over Facebook every time. I’ve also recently developed an interest in genetic engineering, particularly through the developments of hybrid species.
Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, and Food:
I’m a huge music fan. Top of the playlist right now:
My favorite character of all time is Fredo Corleone, but I’ve also been binge watching Vicious on the BBC.
The Most Private Thing I’m Willing to Admit:
I won’t be playing second fiddle to Sauron for long! But more private, I’ve always secretly found the stink of Orc-Flesh rather enticing.
You Should Message Me If:
Due to some recent flooding in my area and some altercations with neighbors, I’m looking to make a big move West. I’m considering pulling a Trump by transforming my nose for business into political gold and running for a local office. If you’re located in or around the Shire, drop me a message!
What a catch! What other characters are you dying to make a love connection with? Check out our other profiles here!
Imagine if all your favorite comic, film and TV characters got invited to a spiffy old fashioned potluck BBQ and ice cream social. Quaint little hand-written invitations arrived to their mailboxes looking like they’re straight from Pleasantville in envelopes with gingham interiors. Absolutely charming Dorothy Gale chic, no question. How sweet is this! We have to go this, it would be like kicking the sweetest most precious child in the face and actually knocking out teeth if we didn’t go! type of party. One caveat; everyone has to bring dessert. Despite there being no indication of an actual host, which suggests Agatha Christie may indeed have orchestrated the entire event from the grave via a possessed Martha Stewart with Jessica Fletcher waiting in the wings, your characters all show up, vaguely wondering why they’re even there and who is that obnoxious person across from them at their picnic table. This is a sampling of their best dishes. Welcome to yet another #FictionalFeasts!
I’ll admit I’d compare reading The Silmarillion to an awful history textbook, in which it seems all the people, places, and things have the same name. I’ve never given it another attempt, though the kindly soul who created this animated map may have just inspired me to go around the first ages of Middle Earth again. The map shifts and changes along the time line of the early first age, check it!
Valentine’s Day is coming and unimaginative (I mean, ~romantic~) fools everywhere are busting out the movie love quotes
“You had me at Hello.” No thanks. That’s not necessary.
“I wish I knew how to quit you…” Really? Grow up, cowboy!
“I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.” As she pries his cold, dead hands off hers and watches him sink to the bottom of the ocean.
Those same pleas of helpless, undying, unconditional saccharine dribble we hear from the pretty people each year are meant to bring out the innocent flirt or unbridled passion in all of us, but honestly? They’re so overused that sometimes they make even the best of us throw up in our mouth a little.
Settle down, now, don’t brand me as cynical and unromantic. Okay, I’ll admit to the first but I’m certainly not unromantic. I just know we literate and loyal geek culture inhabitants can do better.
Why go to those rom-coms or tear jerkers for love quotes, when we have a world of comic books, super heroes, video games and sci-fi movies, television shows and books to provide us with a much larger pool of romantic, encouraging and inspiring commentary tailor made for your fangirl or boy paramour or pal?
Since money is getting tighter than Black Widow’s suit this year, a simple paper heart with a well-suited quote printed out or hand-written (oooh, better yet) with that perfect phrase or inside joke that says “You and I are the same kind of weird” can mean so much more than any expensive or impersonal gift. You don’t have to completely cheap out, however, attach one of these to a single rose, candy bar or action figure.
I’ll even give you some starting points. Here are some of my picks for quote-heavy sources, from the bleeding obvious to the more obscure.
Feel free to venture into the extended universe for more:
“Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.”
— Han Solo
“I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee. “
“When I’m around you, my mind is no longer my own.”
— Crazy Anakin
“ My love for you is a puzzle…for which I have no answers.
— Padmé Amidala
And, let’s say the last one together:
“I love you. “
(You can flip this “Empire Strikes Back” quote around with Leia responding “I know” as she did in “Return of the Jedi.”)
“Love should never be a secret.”
— Dr. Otto Octavius
“I cannot preach hate and warfare when I am a disciple of peace and love!”
— Wonder Woman
“I’d rather not rule the earth. I just want to marry the girl next door and live in the suburbs.”
— Captain Dynamo (This one is a great inside joke because this Image Comics character was a habitual womanizing pig)
“Face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot.”
— Mary Jane Watson
“Waves are but water. Wind but air. And though lightning be fire…yet it must answer thunder’s call.”
— Thor Odinson (Not technically a “love quote” but who wouldn’t want to hear this from him?)
“…love is not a constantly stable factor, it’s (a decision you’ll) have to make again and again.”
— Black Panther (great for long-term relationships)
“They were young. They were in love. They were heroes.”
— Narration about Jean Grey and Cyclops in The Uncanny X-Men #137
“Paradise unearned is but a land of shadows!”
— The Silver Surfer
“In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight.”
— Green Lantern
“I should break your face for that, but that would not teach you of love.”
“When you look in her eyes and she’s looking back in yours… everything… feels… not quite normal.”
— Peter Parker (about Mary Jane)
“I’ve been bitten.”
— Peter Parker
“So have I.”
— Gwen Stacey
“Let’s face it, this is not the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.”
— Tony Stark (to Pepper Potts)
“Why did you marry her?”
“It seemed the logical thing to do at the time.”
— Sarek (Star Trek)
“You are like an angel with no wings.”
— Andy Dwyer (Parks and Recreation)
“If you prick me, do I not… leak?”
— Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
“Nice Legs… for a human”
— Worf (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
“You have that face on again… The one when you’re thinking ‘he’s hot when he’s clever.’”
— The 11th Doctor (Doctor Who)
“I love you and I like you.”
— Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt (Parks and Recreation)
“I’m going to pull time apart for you.”
—Amy Pond (Doctor Who)
“I married me a powerful ugly creature.”
— Jayne Cobb (Firefly)
“Love is Poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same.”
—Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)
“Brainy is the new sexy.”
— Irene Adler (Sherlock)
“I may be on the side of angels, but don’t think for one second I’m one of them.”
—Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)
“Have you ever been told you’re beautiful in flawless Russian? Get used to it.”
— Howard Wolowitz (The Big Bang Theory)
Hobbit/Lord of the Rings Trilogy
“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world.”
“Love or an act of kindness that are the things that keep darkness age bay.”
“Loyalty, honor, a willing heart, I can ask no more than that.”
— Thorin Oakenshield
“I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure.”
“The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.”
— Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
“Wakka wakka wakka!”
— The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
“Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and you were like ‘NO WAY!’ and then I was all ‘We pretended we were going to murder you’? That was great.”
— GladDOS from Portal 2
“It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum…and I’m all out of gum.”
And some other random geeky treasures:
“As You Wish.”
— (Westley) The Princess Bride
“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
— Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (interesting enough this is also Matthew 6:21)
“Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.”
— Albert Einstein
“Say ‘Kiss me’.”
— Deckard (Blade Runner)
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
— Dr. Seuss
“…sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman: Fables and Reflections)
“Every lover is, in his heart, a madman, and, in his head, a minstrel.”
— Neil Gaiman (Stardust)
— The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
— Douglas Adams
Hope these little snippets of nerdy love help you win your true love’s heart, share a laugh with a good friend, or keep Mom off her “you never call me” kick for another month.
Consider this my gift to you, because as George McFly said, “You are my density.”
Well, it’s January First again. I am here to help you ring in the new year on your favorite geeky blog!
But I have to be honest with you, I’ve spent most of the last week sleeping, playing with my Christmas loot, and thinking about Flash Gordon. So this week, I just want to talk to you all about books, and the stuff I want to read in 2013.
1. The Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss I read the first book in this series and I’m about to dive into the second. I am not kidding when I say that Rothfuss’ writing is so good it will make you cry. Not the events of the book, mind you; the writing itself is SO GOOD you will WEEP. The series will be a trilogy when it’s complete. It follows the life story of Kvothe, a man who has become so legendary that it is nearly impossible to separate fact from fiction without talking directly to the man himself. His life story takes him three full days to tell to a man named Chronicler, who has arrived a Kvothe’s Tavern to transcribe Kvothe’s life story. Kvothe started his life as a gypsy child; his parents were lovely people, his mentor believed in him and magical skills came easy. But his luck doesn’t last long, and the real excitement lies within how the facts of Kvothe’s life have since become EPICALLY exaggerated–or perhaps discovering that they’re no exaggeration at all.
2. The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit… again. I like rereading books before the movie comes out, and if all goes according to plan, by this time next year we’ll all be fawning over The Desolation of Smaug. Before that happens, however, I’m traveling back to Middle Earth.
3. Game of Thrones; which is the only exception to my “books before movies and/or television shows” rule. I finished watching season one of the HBO series by the same name as the first title in the Song of Ice and Fire series, and even though it’s not my FAVORITE thing in the universe… bitches won’t get off my back about reading the book *COUGHCOUGHleiaandkaitlynCOUGHCOUGH* so I’m going to give it a try.
5. Alton Brown’s Good Eats: The Early Years was one of the items in my Christmas haul. It is a cookbook that goes beyond just being a cookbook; it’s also a guide to Alton’s television show Good Eats, which looks at food from an academic standpoint. Another appropriate title for Alton’s show and books would be “The Geek’s Guide to Anything You’ve Ever Eaten”.
As I go on through the year, I’m sure I will add more books to the list, but this is the first few months worth. If you’re somewhat invested, you can follow my progress (and whether or not I make good on my …resolutions…) at goodreads.com.
What are you going to read this year?
In celebration of the Christmas and holiday season (not to mention Hobbit Week), here’s an easy stocking stuffer gift for your Tolkien fanatic and book lover friends, as well as the ever-growing segment of the population who now thinks four-and-a-half-foot-tall leather-clad, axe wielding, dudes are hot — Dwarf braids.
These are the must-have Middle Earth fashion accessory of the season, and can be made into hair pieces, key chains, backpack bling and anything else that needs a little Khazâd* charm.
If you can braid, you can make these. They are as simple as that.
• Wool or Mohair textured yarn, preferably earth tones of brown, grey or black (I used a brand called Charisma).
• Silver or bronze-looking beads, particularly those with a fairly large hole and rustic patterns
• Simple hair clips, bobby pins, key rings, zipper pulls or any other item you want to attach to the braid.
Step 1: Take two long strands of yarn and cut them twice the length you want them. You might want them to match the length of your hair, for example. Fold them in half and place the loop end around the hair clip, key ring, etc. Take the other ends and pull then through the loop end (see photo).
Step 2: Unravel the yarn, and gently (emphasis on gently) comb the yarn so it begins to resemble hair. I recommend using yarn over those fine-textured hair extension strands you can buy almost anywhere now, because Dwarves’ hair is quite a bit coarser then regular human hair, almost like an animal’s mane. If you want to look more Elven, however, go ahead and try this with the extensions. Now, divide the “hair” into three parts and braid away.
Step 3: Take an unfolded paper clip or some beading wire and fold it over the end of the braid, leaving about an inch of hair at the bottom. Pull this through a bead (or two or three) and pull the beads as far up the braid as you want. Do the same with the final bead, but only pull the hair far enough through so the hair remains “folded over” out of the bottom. Gently remove the paper clip or wire and cut off any excess hair sticking out of the top of the braid. A small drop or craft glue (or super glue if you aren’t working with kids) placed at the base of the bead will help hold it in place if you like, but these are actually pretty snug and secure is the bead if the right sized bead is use (another advantage of using yarn).
Oin: Braid a fine beading wire in with the braid and curl up or shape the finished braid. Make these small enough, and they make pretty cute lapel pins or barrettes.
Nori: Make about four or five simple braids together on the same hair clip and pull then together through a larger bead, using the same method as the simple braid.
Gloin: Attach several lengths of yarn (in the same manner as the simple braids) to a thin headband, or piece of yarned stretch between two hair clips. Comb it out, and divide it into seven parts, making the center part the widest). Take a large bead and pull it onto the center part, and a smaller bead onto the two parts on either side of the center park. Pull these three parts together and pull them all through a bead with a fairly wide hole to give it a “woven” look. Take the outer parts and make simple Dwarf braids. This one looks really nice if you let it hang down the back of your head, particularly if the color matches your hair…and it will get noticed.
Adventure awaits…right after second breakfast.
Lisa Kay Tate,
Resident Geek Mom
* Another name for the Dwarf race…read a book!