Imagine if all your favorite comic, film and TV characters got invited to a spiffy old fashioned potluck BBQ and ice cream social. Quaint little hand-written invitations arrived to their mailboxes looking like they’re straight from Pleasantville in envelopes with gingham interiors. Absolutely charming Dorothy Gale chic, no question. How sweet is this! We have to go this, it would be like kicking the sweetest most precious child in the face and actually knocking out teeth if we didn’t go! type of party. One caveat; everyone has to bring dessert. Despite there being no indication of an actual host, which suggests Agatha Christie may indeed have orchestrated the entire event from the grave via a possessed Martha Stewart with Jessica Fletcher waiting in the wings, your characters all show up, vaguely wondering why they’re even there and who is that obnoxious person across from them at their picnic table. This is a sampling of their best dishes. Welcome to yet another #FictionalFeasts!
Harry Potter’s Butterbeer Float
Harry has a lot going on (choosing baby names is really hard work) so to make things easier for himself he brought butterbeer floats which were the hit of the party. Here’s an easy muggle version with ice cream because we don’t get nice things but we can certainly try:
1 cream soda
1 tsp butterscotch flavoring
1-2 scoops Vanilla ice cream
1. Pour cream soda into glass or goblet or some wizard-y outdated for no reason glass.
2. Drop in butterscotch flavoring (hide a real butterscotch candy at the bottom it will be a reminder to keep on going).
3. Top with ice cream and watch the Poly-er, muggle butterbeer float is done. Like Harry. Because hes a bureaucrat. Harry and Co are the man.
(yield- one float)
Robin’s Three Ring Circus
Dick Grayson received his invitation while still Robin so “Golly Batman!” he whipped up this fruity and bright (like himself) ambrosia flavored frozen yogurt. Not wanting to clash with his dish, he used the same colors as his costume, and general disposition. Frozen yogurt instead of ice cream makes this sorta better for you than ice cream, at least that’s what Dick says. He’s an acrobat. He can do a handstand so he’s probably right.
½ to 1 bag of mini-marshmallows
1-3 big sprays of whipped cream from canned whipped cream
1 can cocktail mix in juice or light syrup
1 to 2 cans of mandarin oranges in juice or light syrup
½ to 1 bag of shredded coconut (optional)
1 can cubed pineapple in juice (optional)
1/2- to 1 pint Vanilla greek yogurt (0% fat is okay but 2% to full produces better froyo)
½ cup of sugar and or reserved fruit juice/syrup to taste (optional)
pinch of salt
Sprig of mint
Maraschino cherries, to your preference
Chopped walnut, almond or pecans
- Open and drain most of your canned fruit, reserving a little juice or syrup.
- Make an ambrosia salad to your liking according to party size and personal preference using combination of fruit, whipped cream and coconut. Like Dick’s original green shorts, anything goes. Substitute 1 can of pure pineapple with 1 can of more mandarin oranges if party isn’t crazy about lots of pineapple.
- Put your greek yogurt, according to party size, into a large bowl. Add a pinch of salt.
- Add sugar to yogurt starting with ½ a cup (particularly if using 0% fat yogurt) as well as your reserved fruit juice and or syrup (all to taste) and stir.
- Fold ambrosia salad into yogurt. Macerate mandarin pieces as you stir just like you did to that mook for stealing a lady’s purse the other day.
- Pour ambrosia-yogurt mixture into ice cream maker and follow general directions according to machine size. You may need to do two batches.
- Go fight crime or do somersaults. Or something. Lie on the floor and try to get the bats, er, cat to love you (they won’t).
- When yogurt is done (20-45 min) scoop and chill in freezer for slightly firmer yogurt or serve, garnish with extra maraschino cherries, a sprig of mint and a few crushed pecans.
- Don’t forget leg and butt day at the gym. Dick Grayson doesn’t, you shouldn’t either.
Batman’s “My Parents Are Dead” Ice Cream, and the Dark and Stormy Knight –because once you say the name of the dessert you need a drink.
Bruce keeps a strict diet to keep his burly muscle-bound state but even he’ll indulge in ice cream between fighting justice and intense brooding. But only a little. And he really doesn’t have the energy to even scoop much. This rich chocolate ice cream made absolutely ghoulish matches Bruce’s mental state right before dawn and the topping of sugar pearls really pulls this dessert together. Of course it comes with a matching drink, he doesn’t have a drink bar for nothing.
My Parents Are Dead Ice Cream:
Chocolate Ice Cream Base (here)
Crushed Oreo Cookies (optional)
Black food dye
Sugar pearl decoration
Strawberry sauce (optional)
Dark And Stormy:
Jamaican Dark Rum
- Follow ingredient list for creamy chocolate ice cream of your liking (we like this one) and make your base. Two people makes it easier, get yourself a Robin why don’t you?
- Make ice cream according to your bat-brand ice cream maker and size of party (1).
- While ice cream churns add black food dye and or crushed Oreo cookies to mixture until it is uber black and depressed. Like yourself. Because hey, your parents are dead. And if they aren’t, they might as well be. Because you’re making this. (Perfect for people whose baby boomer parents are embroiled in divorce, self-indulgent destructive behavior, or actual supervillainy).
- Scoop actual serving size of ice cream (measly like half cup if that) into large over sized bowl.
- Haphazardly top with sugar pearls, as though they were violently strewn.
- If feeling grim, drizzle with splatters of strawberry sauce or maraschino cherry juice.
- Serve while sitting at your massive computer or in a fancy armchair.
serves 4-8 (but lets be real, you’re going to eat the whole thing on your own.)
Dark and Stormy:
- put ice cubes in a glass.
- pour rum to your liking (lots).
- top with ginger beer and any bitters you like.
- If not dark enough or using non-black rum add two drops black food dye.
- Drink in like 5 gulps.
Captain America’s “Golden boy” Parfait
What’s red, white and gold all over? Captain America dipped in edible glitter. But this somewhat-healthy parfait is perfect and also qualifies. Cap brought this treat of light apple-pie spiced yogurt over top layers of fresh berries (Bucky approved) and it can be served three different ways (just the way Peggy likes it). Why would you expect anything different?
0%-1% fat vanilla greek yogurt
2 shakes apple pie spice (cinnamon, clove, nutmeg)
1 shake of powdered ginger
Honey (to taste)(leave some for later *winky face*)
½ cup of sugar
Fresh fruit/summer berries cut up to your liking
Fresh Yogurt Version:
- Mix your vanilla yogurt with honey, sugar, a dash of apple pie spice and a dash of powdered ginger all to taste.
- Crush graham crackers like Hydra underneath your boot. (We recommend using a masher, though. For sanitary reasons)
- Cut up fruit and place in small parfait cups, tumblers or glasses.
- If serving immediately as a yogurt, fold in graham crackers and spoon over fruit.
- Top with more fruit, whipped cream, a drizzle of honey and chopped pecans.
A La Mode:
- Take above yogurt mixture (sans graham cracker) and like Skinny Little Steve put in ice cream maker to transform it into a bodacious froyo. Like Robin’s froyo you may need to add extra sugar or fat if using 0% fat yogurt.
- Add graham cracker chunks towards end of churning like Bucky falling off of the train.
- Scoop and place on top of fresh fruit.
- Top with toppings to your liking (not even going to make a joke here).
Somewhere in-between (like Steve)
- (Avengers) Assemble yogurt and fruit as fresh style above, sans-whipped cream and toppings.
- Chill parfaits for 20 min to an hour in freezer.
- Remove from freezer (also like Steve) and apply toppings like you’re under Loki’s scepter.
- Serve with justice. Perfect for a hot day or while Phoenix is causing shit.
Sam Wise’s Gamgees Po-Tay-To. Precious.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Totally Radical Dessert Pizza
The boys love pizza but seeing savory was already covered at this mysterioso BBQ, they improvised with this sweet, crumbly cheesy alternative. They recommend it be all from scratch (Here’s a recipe for homemade stuff) but if you’re really lazy premade pastry dough crust is okay too. Pizza is a pizza they don’t care. N0 judge zone amigo.
1 quart mascarpone
1 quart ricotta
Honey (to taste)
¼ cup of sugar
1 cap of almond extract
1 cap of vanilla extract
Zest of 1 lemon
Juice of 1 lemon
Dash of nutmeg (optional)
½ carton of strawberries
1 carton raspberries
Cut strawberries (into “pepperoni” medallions)
Anything else you like bro
- So dudes, you want to make your pastry crust to your liking flat on a round pizza pan or square cookie sheet. Follow those directions unlike Mikey.
- Bake and then when done set your crust to chill out.
- Mix your marscapone and ricotta together and add lemon juice and zest. Try orange sometime for something different and rad.
- Add honey, extracts, sugar, spices and chopped basil cause wow we got flavor dudes and dudettes. Make sure you taste as you go so you can always add more stuff if you want.
- Clean raspberries and and take the tops off your strawberries, reserving some for later.
- Put raspberries and strawberries and honey in processor show them a gnarly time and make a berry puree.
- When crust is like totally chill, put on the berry puree sauce.
- With spatula spread your “cheese” mixture on top in thin layer.
- Cut “pepperoni” from strawberries with sais and place on top.
- Battle a pomegranate for its seeds and place all over.
- Drizzle with extra puree, or make a sauce out of extra puree by adding more sugar and placing on small pot on stove. Add more lemon juice, heat until sugar is melted, reduce sauce and take off. Drizzle on top.
- Add sweetened shredded coconut and you’re done dudes.
Betty Draper-Francis ‘s Gelatin Surprise Because Fuck the Police
Betty has Betty things to do and she’s not quite sure why she was invited (sans husband) to this even when she and Don were 100% divorced. She dressed up anyway and whipped up this classic for you (not like she wanted to though).
fruit cocktail or maraschino cherries
- Prepare mini ramekins or muffin tins for jell-o (woo)
- Make jell-o according to directions. Betty could make this without directions, if she cared.
- Pour into molds (mind your cigarette ash).
- Drop in small spoonful of fruit cocktail or maraschino cherries into each jell-o mold or cup.
- Put in fridge because you have better stuff to do.
- Check on them eventually.
- Leave them overnight while you go do something, leaving kids unsupervised. (If one of them loses a limb or eye, it actually makes the dessert taste better.)
- Remove from molds and assemble in bowl in layers with whipped cream.
- Top with cherries.
- Give to the one friend who will actually eat this.
Bella’s “Dazzling” Love Sundae of Love
Bella was so, so, so thoughtful to float by and wax poetically about her husband. As beautiful as Edward but less dangerous (except to your waistline, but don’t worry, vampires never get fat so eat the whole carton you champ) this treat is simple and simple minded. Don’t show E. L. James or she’ll copy this (with a….kinky…twist…hint…it’s cinnamon). Original character do not steal.
Store bought premium vanilla ice cream (extra special)
- Take your pre-made vanilla ice cream and scoop into a bowl.
- Top with edible glitter.
- Put more edible glitter.
- Hold it up to light and stare intensely at the dazzlingly glittery ice cream while it melts for 35+ minutes.
Serves as many as you scoop we don’t know your life.
Lost Boy Lost Snacks Rocky Road
The Lost Boys showed up with literally nothing claiming Peter ditched them and took all the ice cream they were bringing. They said they could make something even better though and gave everyone empty bowls. The boys then thought really hard and viola this is what showed up–because boys would want everything in their ice cream and show no restraint. Peter showed up late to the party with all their ingredients which turned out to be…nothing as well. And everything. Cause imagination. Or something. There’s no picture because we couldn’t see it.
Chocolate ice cream base (here)
Glob of Nutella
Cocoa- peanuts (or chocolate covered)
Chopped walnuts, hazelnuts, almonds or pecans (or chocolate covered)
Pretzels (mini, chocolate covered, yogurt covered, cinnamon, all the pretzels)
Chocolate chips (every kind)
Chinese crunchy noodles
- Get your team ready and make your ice cream base according to instructions. It’s not nearly as hard as killing pirates but it can totally…sink you… if done wrong. We don’t want to walk the plank here.
- Prep your ice cream maker for endless adventure. Put in your chocolate base and turn on according to its instructions.
- While it stirs drop in desired mix-ins like a plummeting Wendy Bird; nuts, candy, and coated pretzels. Add marshmallows and uncoated pretzels towards end to retain shape and texture.
- Scoop into half a coconut shell and serve (by throwing it at your guests)
- Peter variation by adding crushed British tea cookies and a thimble (whoever finds it wins nothing).
serves 50 (in your imagination).
And this was a just sampling of the various dishes brought. Others included:
– Simpson’s Hope They Never Split (El Barto’s Full moon)
– Smaug’s golden Smoky golden maple syrup and golden dwarf bacon sundae side of golden dwarf balls (dipped in gold, topped with mayonnaise).
– Gollum’s fish skeleton, Precious.
– Archie’s Sugar, Sugar (side of strawberries provided by Betty Cooper) (Veronica Lake’s Vodka).
– Kevin Malone’s Chili — never made it to the table (followed by Ollie’s chili which burned a hole in the bowl).
– Crystal Gem Chunky Cookie Cat Fingers
Hope that satisfies your cravings for ice cream deliciousness. We sure felt it the next day.
Got fictional feast ideas? Hit us up on twitter, @Sub-Cultured, @jenisaur, @maxlikescomics, @hannahfogler , catch us on Facebook and or comment below. We want to know/eat everything!
See you all real soon!
Jen, Max & Hannah
Staff Writers, Photographer