A Halloween or two ago we gave some ideas on how to throw together the perfect Buffy costume, which now feels a bit lonely. Now you can dress to match the chosen slayer with your best pal as Dark Willow with clothes you may have in your closet.
Ok first things first, you’re going to need a lot of black clothing. There’s several ways of going about getting that evil witch-bitch look.
In some scenes it looks like she’s wearing a dark grey jacket with a plain black tank like this for $65.00
Or this for $47.69
However this look can also be accomplished for less cash
Like this textured blouse for $ 36.00
Or this high collared blouse for $22.00
Now the pants that Willow sported…well they’re just black unspecials so go ahead and wear any pair that you have or buy a pair that you feel comfortable in.
For the shoes, it looks as if she’s wearing the devil’s personal best clunky shoes. Here are a few ideas:
Some world-ending kickass boots like these for $35.00
Or if heels are more your thing, check out these towering terrors for $25.00
Now for the makeup. To get that dead gal look, use a matte foundation or powder a shade or two darker than your natural color and then pick yourself up some dark blue liquid eyeliner for those…I’m not sure. Dark spooky magic veins?
I like this one from sephora for $5.00 because it’s waterproof
Finally complete the powerful look with this electric nail polish and a black wig
Planning to release your inner witch and slayer this Halloween? Doing some other DIY awesome? Want to check out the rest of our BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes and Decor? Show me all your spook-tacular creations on Twitter @SubCultured or come party like its 1599 in our Discord server! When you’re done, wind down with Ten Family Friendly Halloween Movies to help lull the kiddos into a candy coma! Afterward, you can set the mood with Five Albums to Flesh Out Your Halloween Playlist and huddle under the covers with Netflix and Chilling – Halloween Movie Edition.
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – Terra from Teen Titans!
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – Ariel from The Little Mermaid!
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – Misa Amane
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – L from Death Note!
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – Regina The Evil Queen!
BOO-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes – Amaterasu
Back again, almost done with book two of exploding dark ecstasy, overly much clothing description and tedious inner monologue. 50 Shades Darker has gotten 50 shades duller. And again, for the Johnny-come-lately’s, this is a spoilerfest of spoils. And once again, deal with it.
I am really disliking this book. To the point that I took the time to match my socks rather than read the allotted 5 chapters I set out for myself one evening.
So, Ahem:
In this edition of “Ana really needs get some hobbies other than sex with this rich dude,” we come back from rich playboy land and are ensconced in the world drama with the ex. Ghost Girl, Christian’s ex, goes even more super cray-cray. As in, “Imma sneak into your house and wave a gun about the place” kind of crazy.
Instead of being a rational human being and realizing that Grey’s method of diffusing the situation is switching over to Dom status with his former Sub and MAKING her drop the gun, kneel on ground, and give up the power to kill the whole group, Ana freaks.
She gets outside with friend Ethan (her roomie’s hot brother. Who cares.) goes for some coffee (what the shit?) and panics because she thinks that, you know, THINGS like sex might be happening.
Hey Ana? Chill a bit, right?
Ok. Let’s go over this.
- You get saved by your man who only has to say the word.
- You get to leave room with crazy lady with gun.
- He stays, to ensure she doesn’t come after you.
- The man has proposed to you [I’ll get to that later].
Despite all of these things, all Ana can think about is what Christian might still see in her, what it is that she doesn’t have that crazy lady has. Which is probably just a closet full of sex driven crazy pants. And again, rather than be relieved that she is alive, she panics about whether or not her dude might be having sex with his ex. Who was just waving a gun at them.
Oh Ana, you don’t know what you do to me.
What Ana does to me is make me realize that I never, ever, ever, want to be THAT insecure. This whole book is about Ana and her insecurities. There is a little sex, sure. It is about the same, tearing this, unzipping those, entering that, gasping blah blah blah darkness. But ultimately, it ends up being about Ana being a super jealous loser who whines a lot and obsesses like a 13-year-old over Grey’s exes.
And, like a lame, she loses her mind while he fingers her in an elevator with other folks around. Kinky, maybe. Inconsiderate, yes.
Girl. Please.
She visits Christian’s therapist, who says she has made more progress than anyone has. He tells her all about why he likes brunettes. The Family loves her. Christian says, “Move in with me.” Everyone can see how in love they are [ew]. He tells her every other page how amazing she is, that she has changed his life, he’s never wanted anyone but her. He wants to marry her, after what, two months?
Also: Grey has an Oedipus complex. Whoa!!!! Yeah, totally saw that coming.
I would love to feign surprise, but that was coming about 50 miles off. Huh, millionaire sex-god doesn’t like to be touched and all his problems and sex stuff leads back to his childhood. With “the crack whore,” his mother. Please Mr. Grey, tell me more about those things that I never suspected from you. What’s that? The girls all kind of look like your mom? Oh really? That must be so hot for you.
Neither one of them has ever had a relationship. No, really.
If he could have his way, Ana, you wouldn’t work. You’d just live in the rich home he bought for you, make some babies and have sex whenever. And deal with his craptastic pick up lines. Ana, your relationship is based on the “most amazing sex in the world” and little else. And that’s fine for plenty of folks, but girl, you need some self esteem if you’re going to toss your whole life on the horse shoe game of some guy’s penis. Just saying.
Honey, you’d never had sex before. And that’s great that he’s attentive and daring. But please, really? He’s a big weirdo and you are super boring and easily controlled. Go read some Tom Hardy and drink a cup of tea while staring out a window.
No, Scratch that, I’m doing that. You can’t have it.
If you do, Oh Ana, I’ll “Oh jeez, WoW, holy cow, Oh Gosh, Ecstasy, release, Oh something something” your shit up. I’m warning you.
Next time on, I Can’t Believe I’m Still Reading This:
Ana’s Hen Party and Grey’s Stag-Do collide in glorious, amazing, coquettish oh god whatever. Just get pregnant already. Because what I’ve always wanted to read about in graphic detail is how morning sickness does not jive with sex in the breakfast nook.
Shit.
More to follow with part four – 50 Shades Darker, Or How to Make Actual Sex Acts Seem Mundane
Wanna know how this all started? Our first read through of 50 Shades of Grey
Aquaman is the Embodiment of “Fine”
REVIEW | The Punisher Season 2
Sub Cultured Heads to PAX South 2019!
REVIEW | The Batman Who Laughs – #1
Sub Cultured is Heading to DakuCon 2018!
Another month, another book review.
For the month of May, I was sent City Under The Moon, a debut novel by one of the insanely amazing minds behind Robot Chicken, Hugh Sterbakov. Not being a connoisseur of this particular genre and with the added headache of the last book I reviewed leaving me a little jaded on the experience, I delved into this story expecting the worst and came away with a new found respect for the horror genre. At least, if the other stories in this genre are anything like City Under The Moon.
In an effort to correctly portray real life situations with a dash of superstition thrown into the cauldron, City Under The Moon is about a CDC response to a virus outbreak in Manhattan where everyone transforms into a hairy beast via moonlight. And that’s when it hit me. This book is about WEREWOLVES. In Manhattan. I almost expected a cheesy 80s song to kick in and Taylor Lautner to rip his shirt off while I rolled my eyes and heaved into the nearest receptacle.
But Hugh’s take on the strain is a little bit different, thank the Old Gods and the New.
After the Twilight fancraze, I vowed to stay tail length away from anything involving Werewolves, so I was initially a little turned off by the subject matter. At 470 pages, Hugh Sterbakov’s painstaking research into the mythology of the mutts was not what I expected from the Twilight aftermath. It also really helps the skepticism a little when the title page has quotes by Seth Green and Mila Kunis. They seem like people you just want to trust.
City Under the Moon was sent to me in .PDF form so that I could read anytime, anywhere via my Nook Color. Though there seems to be a compatibility issue where all punctuation is erased, that small detail wasn’t enough to stop me from enjoying the first few chapters of Brianna Tildascow’s super practical police work.
With an opening that charges right into the thick of the action and a hospital hijack bloodbath, be sure to clear out your schedule. Between long hours at work and a beat-your-ass convention schedule, I was left struggling to find time in which to devour the narrative and find out where the story was headed. This was the first mistake of many I made as I packed my Nook for A-Kon 23 and tried to read anytime I could sneak in a spare moment.
City Under the Moon has a lovingly crafted George R. R. Martin-esque writing style feel, complete with the point of view shifts that I’ve come to love reading. The majority of the story spotlights on FBI counterterrorism specialist and femme fatale Brianna Tildascow, who prefers to be known by her surname only. However, the narrative isn’t one dimensional as it takes us into the minds of minor characters who all have an impact on the bigger picture. Lon Toller, the government enlisted and self proclaimed “werewolf expert” who is also a bit of a Dungeons & Dragons nut on the side, socially awkward Dr. Jessica Tanner with her mousy but firm demeanor, and even one impressively written chapter from the big baddie himself, Demetrius Valenkov round out all of the supporting characters with believably fleshed out personalities and a relatable thought process. There is no wondering why the bimbo ran upstairs when the killer is in the house.
Normally, I am completely desensitized to all fashions of gore, but City Under The Moon is not a “wake up and read over your bowl of Corn Pops” kind of book.The enthralling plot coupled with a threat of bioneucleur retaliation sets up a very action packed climax, with the parallels between ultimate hunters Valenkov and Tildascow’s personalities surprisingly well balanced. Cleverly INTERWOLVEN (hah. puns.) with pop culture references galore, my only minor problem fell in the form of the fairer sex, as Sterbakov is no Joss Whedon in the women-writing department. But kudos to him for holding his own in this first novel, as he has nowhere to go but up.
A fully researched work that has no problems taking risks, City Under The Moon is a credit to it’s genre. If you are a fan of the occult, lots of details and thrilling action stories, definitely check it out.
You can find City Under the Moon via Amazon in both Paperback or e-reader format, or even snag yourself an autographed copy at the official website.
City Under The Moon is the kind of book that makes you want to grab a glass of wine, huddle up under some blankets, and make sure your dog is at your feet and not contorting into some hideous elongated version of the pooch you know and love. Or maybe that’s just me.
Hallow-Reads | The Line by Rob Ferreri
Hallow-Reads | Grim Vol 1: Teen Spirit by Nicholas Meece
Book Review | ‘Leech Girl Lives’
Review | Put Me In The Story – Star Wars: The Force Inside
REEDPOP Opens New Chapter For BookCon With Star-Studded Chicago Event!
Crysis 2 and Syndicate Writer Richard Morgan Launches New Dark Fantasy Gamebook
What comes after the first book, 50 Shades of Grey? The next one! But only if the first book says it can . . . terrible, terrible, I know.
After embarking on my quest to get through the newest, most salacious book on the market right now, 50 Shades of Grey, by E L James (I tried desperately not to pee my pants laughing) I have trudged onwards to book two, 50 Shades Darker.
Again: Spoiler alerts are everywhere in this. So don’t read on, good reader, if you want to be spoiled (Wait, what? What the crap? That is not what I meant. But, yes, Spoiler Alert.)
So what do Cuisinart Standmixer’s, paperback books and Christian Grey all have in common? Well Anastasia, they won’t love you back.
For those of you who haven’t paid attention to the trashy book wires, the 50 Shades series is a Twilight fan-fiction based erotic novel series where the unwitting Anastasia Steele literally fumbles her way into a control freak, tortured past, god-like (ew) handsome, private helicopter piloting, stalker billionaire’s sex life.
And… GASP… into his freaky little hyperbole using heart.
Shocking, right?
Blah blah blah, she’s a virgin, blah blah blah, he doesn’t want to be touched, blah blah blah, her every inner monologue is an “OH MY!” or “OH CRAP,” or “HOLY COW” or “AAARRGH” or “JEEZ.”
But, to the point, these two lust birds do lots of freaky-deaky in a sex room.
50 Shades of Grey ends with Anastasia realizing she doesn’t like a belt across her butt super hard, and that after less than three weeks of sex for every day, she can’t change him and she ends up calling it quits. On a side note: They always use protection. Every time. Good job, writer!
Enter Book Two: Oh myyyyyy.
Scene: Little Boy Flashback to a pimp beating his mother. Reader, I was totally not ready for that.
It has been three, count it, THREE days since Anastasia dumped Christian and she’s freaking out. Three days, folks. Not, you know, a reasonable amount of time. Maybe a month in between or something. It has been less than half of a week. They broke up Friday night, it is now Monday morning and Anastasia is a sad little rain cloud of “WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME BACK?”
And he is… still rich. And apparently still looks like, you guessed it, a Greek God of some sort. Because Adonis is the only descriptor in the world.
Someone decides to email someone else and voila! They are going to her creepy friend’s photo gallery opening. Said friend tried kiss Anastasia when she was drunk in book one and she said no and he was all, “Oh Ana, I’ve felt like this for so… I just want to stick my tongue in your mouth.” Yawn.
So far, the first three chapters are just tons of lame dialogue. “Oh, my Fifty Shades . . . he’s so tortured”-esque and Ana making dead-fish attempts at what I assume are come on lines? “Yeah, you know what else we could be doing…?” I don’t know Ana, what else could we be doing? I know, do some yoga. It’s the thing these days. Don’t forget the, “Oh Ana, you are so be-witching, be-guiling, be- ”
Oh good lord, get new words. I swear, if bottles and cans were recycled the way this book recycles phrasing, the earth would have been a better place years ago.
Back to crappy, over thought drama.
Weird Things:
Art Show: Dumb friend has a collection of candid photos of Anastasia. Creeeeepy. But Christian Grey buys all of these photos, because he doesn’t want any creeper other than him seeing her.
Man-emotions: Out of nowhere, the enigmatic Christian Grey spills more beans than ever about his horrifying childhood. And it really does nothing for what is now a storyline driven novel.
Weird Woman: Obviously effed up woman stops Anastasia in the street, while she is on her way to hang out with the co-workers. Rather than tell anyone, even her omipresent-can find anything, anyone, anywhere boyfriend [oh yeah they’re back on] she just keeps mum. Does this girl not have Facebook? Or Twitter?
I can see it now:
@AnaSteeleSub: OMG!! Whts w/ cray cray lady in street talkin to me like we know each other?
#sexbillionaireGFproblems
Anastasia apparently has plenty of time to email, though. And rather than texting, she just emails sexbillionaire waaaay too much. No joke, pages of this book are in email format. Subject line and all. Oh Ana, coy emails do not suit you. And besides, it’s all monitored at work! OOPS!
Did I mention that? Yup.
Oh yeah. They finally got to having the sex again. Afterwards, she thanked him explicitly for the very nice iPad he gave her. Hawk-ward pillow talk.
More to follow with part three – 50 Shades Darker, Or Put a Ring on It.
Or you can check out our previous review – 50 Shades of Grey, Or How To Laugh Your Way To Better Abs!
Hallow-Reads | The Line by Rob Ferreri
Hallow-Reads | Grim Vol 1: Teen Spirit by Nicholas Meece
Book Review | ‘Leech Girl Lives’
Review | Put Me In The Story – Star Wars: The Force Inside
REEDPOP Opens New Chapter For BookCon With Star-Studded Chicago Event!
Crysis 2 and Syndicate Writer Richard Morgan Launches New Dark Fantasy Gamebook
Newsweek did it. Amazon did it. Housewives did it. Critics did it. 
Now I guess I’m doing it.
That’s right. I’m reading 50 Shades of Grey. And by golly, I am laughing my ass off.
E. L. James’ Twilight based fan fiction turned sex novel has impacted the American reader like no other since… well, a lot of other salaciously scandalous scantily clad books before it. Try saying that three times fast.
But this one has something going for it. It is hilarious. Not intended, but really, super funny if you take all the serious moments out of context.
“Yeah, baby. Oh yeah, baby. Oh my.” – 50 Shades of Grey, probably.
Supposedly there is a plot somewhere all in all of this dribble where our titular character Anastasia Steele, a near college graduate virgin, catches the eye of the wealthy, deep, and complicated young billionaire, Christian Grey. Bella, I mean Anastasia, constantly describes Edward, I mean Christian, as an Adonis. Sound familiar? The similarities don’t end there. Anastasia also has the worst and most awkward inner monologue ever, including during sex, and trusts, by Christian’s demand, the results of Wikipedia in the matter of educating herself in “The Dark Side” of sex.
Spoiler Alert: I will read this book and I will rip this entire series apart as I go along and will give away a ton of the ending.
Deal with it.
Smut for smut’s sake, is fine. You want to read erotica? Awesome. Go for it. Check out some scandalous, like The Diaries of an Unlikely Call Girl, or Story of O, or Claiming of Sleeping Beauty. There is an annual collection of the best erotica each year compiled. Just go for it. But forcing a weird romance storyline because you had a wet dream about Twilight in between something that is super down and dirty is just strange.
Ana and Christian meet through a perfectly awkward “Oh no, my roomie on the all important College Newspaper is sick! And I, the not at all experienced in news reporting person must fill her shoes during this interview with a super high power, impossibly hard to get ahold of, benefactor of the university. OH MY!”
One more thing? Get used to the phrase, “Oh my.”
Or sometimes, “Oh shit.” There is also the occasional, “Holy crap!” And in at least one case, there is also pirate talk. I’m surprised there isn’t an, “Oh Mylanta!” involved thus far, but maybe we’re saving that for the sequel. Because every time E. L. James gets a little sexy, steamy, and scandalous flow going on, it gets ruined by Anastasia’s inner good girl monologue. Literally. Nice way to pump the brakes there, James.
Back to what passes for a plot these days. The super serious, cold, and ultra-professional Christian Grey, who is always described as an Adonis since thesauruses aren’t a thing, loves to use the word “Baby,” to address his main gal Ana in bed. “Bleep bleep I’m gonna bleep bleep you so bleep bleep… baby, yeah.”
So why am I reading this, if I find it so ridiculous?
I will read or try to read anything once just to see what the hype is about. I’ll read best sellers, advertisements, publisher information, tween romance, science fiction, fantasy, instruction manuals, recipes, cereal boxes, and how-to hints and tips. In the case of books that make a stir with the masses, I will make a point to read it – just to see if I like it or if I hate it.
Example: I cannot stand Twilight. It is badly written and takes too long to get to the point. I believe that it places precarious self esteem issues in the forefront of what seems to be an abusive or at least seriously lopsided relationship. The female protagonist, Bella Swan, has no idea of self and seeks validation through attention from distant, literally cold men. Yes, I read the whole series. And saw the first movie. And I think that Katniss wins every time because Swan Song needs to go to a women’s retreat and find herself.
About me: I’m a feminist. I don’t really judge people so long as no one is getting hurt and everyone is consensual and safe. I’m pretty open minded and after spending a few years in the Women’s Gender and Sexuality Studies department in college I have had to study and dissect a lot about people, their proclivities and tendencies.
That being said, I get concerned when “Dark Side” things go mainstream, mainly because I’ve read too many incident reports that started with “read in book/saw on TV/movie” and ended in ER visits. People who try things out without education because they are the new fad can seriously get hurt. It makes everyone look bad and places a pale on a whole community.
Here are a few tips to help get through 50 Shades of Grey a little easier. Imagine every “Oh my,” is said in George Takei’s voice, ever uttered “Holy cow!” is voiced by Bart Simpson voice, each instance of “Baby” is murmured by Barry White, and the Pirate stuff is in… well, salty sea dog. I wouldn’t suggest a shot to accompany these instances, because alcohol poisoning is a real danger.
Because after Ana, an English Classics college major, saves her virtue thus far only to lose it to Christian Grey after knowing him for less than 24 hours and wakes up in his bed, she finds him playing super sad classical piano. Oh yeah, did I mention? He flew her to his super duper mod apartment. In his helicopter.
He tells her he’s totally had a rough life and she thinks ” WOW! So complicated.”
And then for some reason there ‘s a bath scene. “OH MY! Imported jasmine bath oil for my super sore body, skin, and down there!” And yes, lets point out again that this 21-year-old English Classics college major protagonist still calls it the “DOWN THERE.” area.
Which is only trumped by referring to his penis as her very own personal “Christian Grey Flavored Popsicle.”
All I can think about is Whig in Bridesmaids making the “Hello I’m a Penis and I’m Here Face.”
She gets all super proud of herself, having just exerted some power over this curious man-creature. And then there’s a lot of sex tension during breakfast. And then, an actually somewhat well crafted description of female recipient “lady popsicle-ing” shall we say? Punctuated by – “AAAARRRGHHHH!” Thar be pirates in this sex scene.
Next time, we get into the rough stuff. “He’s TOTALLY YUMMY! OH MY! So yummy.” Thar be all for now. More to follow in the chapters to come!
Hallow-Reads | The Line by Rob Ferreri
Hallow-Reads | Grim Vol 1: Teen Spirit by Nicholas Meece
Book Review | ‘Leech Girl Lives’
Review | Put Me In The Story – Star Wars: The Force Inside
REEDPOP Opens New Chapter For BookCon With Star-Studded Chicago Event!
Crysis 2 and Syndicate Writer Richard Morgan Launches New Dark Fantasy Gamebook
The retelling of famous fables in bold, and often action-packed ways, is nothing new. So, it shouldn’t come as a shock that the latest incarnation of Snow White is doing just that. Gone are the birds, and animals that flock to the delicate princess. They are instead replaced with demonic winged creatures, and crows with eyes like blood. All the key elements are still there: the envious Queen who seeks everlasting beauty, the innocent(well, maybe not in this version) beauty who was born with the misfortune of surpassing said Queen, and of course Thor er…. the Huntsman. Oh and the dwarves, who work for the Huntsman it seems. Still, the trailer does its job. It makes the movie look exciting, fun, and like a possible summer blockbuster. However, what it doesn’t do is show us exactly how the star’s acting is. The main girl, Kristen Stewart, does not have so much as a single line of dialogue in the trailer. Concerning, especially considering the less then amazing acting that has been provided in the Twilight franchise. Still, the trailer does kind of pull you in. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
Aquaman is the Embodiment of “Fine”
New Star Wars Trilogy in the Works
REVIEW | Blade of the Immortal
Hallo-Screen Review | Good Day
REVIEW | Netflix’s ‘Death Note’
