Skeletor | Sub Cultured

A couple of weeks ago, everyone online was losing it — Underoos, the cool underwear/undershirt line from the 70s and 80s, are back in production. Not only are Underoos back, but they’re here in adult sizes, making them easily the coolest thing to come out of the holiday season so far.

So I bit the bullet–I bought myself some underoos, (the things I do for you people.) and if you know anything about me at all, you already know I bought the Captain America set. The Captain America set is made for men, but as my sister recently declared “There should be no gender! Equality for pajamas!” She’s right, in an idealistic sense, but we will get to that in a moment. This is the story of me and my Underoos and how I quickly fell in love.
I put them on as soon as I got home from the mall. I don’t think I’m ever taking them off again. Well, you know, I’ll wash them. But I fully expect to sit by the washing machine mourning their loss until they’re back on my body. First of all, I never knew underwear could have such a wide elastic. Do all men’s briefs have such WIDE elastic? Because if so, I’m never going back to women’s underwear again. It was like constantly being hugged around my hips. Hugged by a cloud.

Then there’s a matter of coverage. I wasn’t constantly pulling on the edges of my underwear. Am I buying my panties too small? No, that can’t be possible, because I’ve TRIED a size up and they’re too baggy. Lady clothes just aren’t made to be comfortable. I’ve decided.

But maybe the Underoos are made a tad big on purpose — so that you feel okay walking around the apartment in nothing else? Not having worn men’s briefs ever in my life, I have no idea. What I do know is that these particular briefs are amazing for both wearing around like pjs and for wearing comfortably under jeans. The only thing in the world that would make these underpants better would be a big ol’ Captain America shield on the tush.

Which brings me the second half of my underoos — the t-shirt that comes with the briefs. Here, I must return to my sister’s point about equality: because Cap is apparently only cool to guys, my briefs came with a t-shirt. An amazing “costume” undershirt, which I fully intend to wear as a regular tee. The girl’s styles, which consist of Wonder Woman, Harley Quinn, and Batgirl all come with tank tops instead. And the briefs are much briefer. With less elastic. Color me unenthused. There’s an argument to be made that these are vintage-throwback Underoos, made with accuracy in mind, and girls sets have always come with tanks where boys have always come with tees. In fact, for those early bloomers among us, there were even “fashion” sets that featured a sports bra instead of an undershirt-style top. But you’d think in thirty years, we could come a little further — that Batman, He-man, Superman, Skeletor and Cap himself (all the designs available for “men”) could be unisex, or that at the very least, all “costumes” could be offered in both the men’s and women’s cuts.

Feminist ranting aside, I am really impressed with the attention to vintage detail in the packaging. The underoos come in a box that looks like it comes straight out of the ’70s, and I’m keeping it forever. It is cool. It tells you what size you should wear based on the measurement of your body, which is more helpful than you might expect especially if you’re crossing gender lines. I wear a men’s size medium…but I’d probably wear a lady’s large, if that helps.

Yes, I am wearing pants in this photo. No, I do not have a higher quality picture of me geeking out about PJs.

Underoos were originally made by Fruit of the Loom, but now they are their own brand as far as I can tell. Maybe that means we’re going to see way more styles coming out in the future. Maybe it means we’ll start seeing gender-neutral packaging. Maybe it means we’re getting just a tiny bit closer to world peace. For now, all styles are only available (officially) from Hot Topic, but you can also find them on amazon or ebay. I’d recommend checking in stores for styles that are sold out online, as well.