To quickly catch you up to speed, I am powering through the 50 Shades series and hating every second of it. We are currently coming up on the end of 50 Shades Darker,

To recap, quite a bit has happened and yet still nothing has happened. There was the freak helicopter accident that stressed everyone out with three consecutive pages of,  “Oh no! What could be happening?!” What else? Our heroine Anastasia Steele has been scared and also jealous of the cutegirl help being scared too. Oh, and Christian Grey miraculously appears, unharmed.

Oh Christian. We were all so worried about you and shall now shower you with affection. Cue Grey’s reaction of, What? People care about me? I never knew. You know, aside from you all being my family and always showering me with affection and love ALL THE TIME.

Ana totes agrees to marry Grey, he gets shmoopy about it all and 50 Shades of Grey ends with Ana’s crazy boss [ crazy as in, he tried to blackmail Ana, Grey fired him/got him beat up.] plotting an “I’ll get you next time Gadget”-esque revenge.

“Ugggh, ’twas only the sheer luck of it that saved your copter Grey, curses!!” Shakes drunken angry fist at the air.

Fast forward to 50 Shades Freed and our loving couple is gallivanting around Europe. Ana is getting to go everywhere and see everything she ever wanted in her young life. Oh yeah, and they got married. That happened. You want elaboration? She had pink and white roses in her bouquet. That was it. Oh yeah, and dress pooling at her feet. Guess what? He’s wearing a silver [or GREY] waistcoat.

Cut to: Yacht in the Mediterranean, off the coast of France. Fancy drinks, baubles that cost more than my car.

Hey, it’s a Honda and she is in good condition folks.

Sigh.

Ana, in a  moment of defiance, decides to lay down and untie her bathing suit top. Oh no! Grey has specifically said he doesn’t want Ana  exposing herself at all. So ha! Untie the top it is. Then fall asleep and roll over. Oops!

She flashes everyone! Oh no! Ana still isn’t used to the paparazzi and Grey [predictably] flips the BLEEP out.

Grey is roaring! Ana! I shall yell at you like a hussy! And Ana, thou shalt feel ashamed of thy nakedness!

Then again, predictably, they have naughty time on the boat because Ana hath done be so bad.

Voila.

She just had sex. On a Boat. Are you going for some kind of theme here Ana? Because I feel it coming on. Strong.

Next time, we finish this series for good. Are you ready? I’m ready. Onward to 50 Shades Freed, or, we’re finally at the finale!
Check out where this project began with our first read through of 50 Shades of Grey