What follows is a short list of things that annoy me in this world. It is, by no means, a complete list of things I hate and it may not have to do with nerdy things, but next month is gaming month and I’m saving up all my relevant creative juices for that. For now, have this.

Whatever it is you’re doing, PLEASE MOVE I HAVE THINGS TO PURCHASE.

People who stand in walkways

From Comic Con to my place of work, people just do NOT understand that standing in a walkway is god damn rude. I have shit to do and you’re futzing about in my way, impeding my forward progress. If I’m having a hard time getting something done, it had better be because of crippling loneliness or the sudden realization that nothing in this life matters, not that you stopped to have a chat with Lou about what he did on his honeymoon.

Please fall in to a pit of mediocrity with the rest of your life.

When someone asks you a question “just because”

Two weekends ago, my sister asked about my voting preferences. I asked “why” because we definitely don’t see eye to eye on many issues and the last thing I wanted after a steak dinner was to have an argument. Her brilliant reason? “Just because. I wanna know.” NO. YOU HAVE A REASON. YOU’RE NOT SHARING THAT REASON WITH ME. I have dishes to do man, leave me alone until you have some interesting shit to share with me or need my opinion on something. I’m not in the business of talking to mysteries.

When ur gurl starts a water balloon fight but u still in jeans

Being wet

I’ve never liked being wet out of context. Showers, water parks, pools, you got it. Falling in a pool in jeans? Ew, gross no. Being in socks and stepping in shower water on the ground? THE WORST. Getting caught in a romantic rain shower with your love? Pneumonia take me now. There’s something about not being ready for being wet that skeezes me out. Maybe it’s that sweating is gross or that one time I went to the beach, got out of the ocean and sat in a sand dune, then had sand rub my thighs raw (did I mention I hate the beach?).Being wet sucks, get it away from me.

Honestly, did we watch the same movies?

People who actively like the Dark Side

You are aware the entire point of the Light Side and Dark Side is that given great power, it’s easy to choose the cool, powerful thing, but much harder and more considerate to try and take care of your fellow man and be responsible, right? Maybe you’re not aware that in EVERY SINGLE STAR WARS MOVIE, the Dark Side is doing some horrendous shit to innocent people. MAYBE THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK DARTH VADER IS COOL, REMEMBER HE SLAUGHTERED A BUNCH OF CHILDREN BECAUSE HE WAS EASILY TRICKED BY SOMEONE WITH THE FACE OF MELT MAN FROM KABLAM.

Looks delicious, but I know the temperature will betray me

Food that should be hot being served cold

“We have a really lovely pasta–”
ooo I love pasta
“salad.”
WHY DID YOU RUIN THE BEST FOOD.
Warm food is almost always better than the cold version of that food. With the exception of things like ice cream that need cold to retain their shape, if a food can be served hot, it’s better that way. Cold pizza is inferior to hot pizza. Hot soup poops on cold soup and tells it to stop being a pretender to the throne. Cold pasta mixed with mayonnaise is an abomination and I will fight you if you bring it to my picnic. I used to have an exception for tuna salad, but then I tried a tuna melt and knew I was right all along.

Okay I’m done for now, but there’s so many other things I want to rail on. This article already has little value and increasing the character count will only make it worse, so I’ll stop. Bye.