What DO giant protruding forehead spikes actually say about a character? Are they mighty like a stag? Defensive like the ram? Libidinous like the narwal?
Not sure. Probably none of the above. What we do know, and I mean a scientific fact, is these characters and their protruding protrusions define awesomeness itself. Here’s our list our favorite horny men.
Lorne From Angel
Joss Whedon loves his music, which is why it’s no surprise that his Buffyverse includes a demon lounge crooner that rejects the warrior society of his birth dimension to open Los Angeles’ most successful underground karaoke bar as its eminent host. Even when he’d rather remain neutral in the eternal battle between Angel Investigations and the forces of evil, Lorne often steps up to prevent numerous apocalypses. What a class act.
Vincent From Catherine
A video game about relationships, cheating, growing up, and death by pillow, falling, and mutant giant babies? Already dope, but commito-phobe man-child Vincent and his dreamy sheep-horns is one of our favorite video game “heroes.” We secretly hope Vincent is damned forever to climb his puzzle blocks toward some sort of understanding about women, if only to avoid ending up with either of his horrible girlfriends.
Beast from Beauty and the Beast
A tale as old as time, though his beastly attributes didn’t last nearly as long as that. Although Beast was cursed to his buffalo horns for being kind of a shit, we, and more importantly Belle, have seen the good man within. However, the Disney design of Beast as a chimera mush of a few different animals has always been really cool.
Marko from Saga
Saga, from writer Brian K. Vaughan and co-creator and artist Fiona Staples, is without a doubt one of the best new series in comics. Its epic blend of fantasy and a space opera unsurprisingly produced a magic wielding romeo-trope character in the horned Marko. Like Lorne, Marko rejects his warrior culture and embraces pacifism after the birth of his daughter, Hazel. Of course, when it’s time to kick some major ass, Marko has no problem unleashing a glorious vengeance on enemies of his taboo union with the winged and spunky, Alana. We love Marko and this couple, though knowing Vaughan, we’re in for some serious heartbreak in issues ahead so don’t get too attached.
Ig Perrish from Horns
Ignatius Perrish is little less beast and a little more devil in a blue dress. The main character, soon to be played by Daniel Radcliffe in the upcoming movie adaptation of Joe Hill’s second novel, has been accused of violently murdering and raping his sweet-heart and wakes up one day with a pair of horns and some not so nice powers. One look at his new best accessory drives people to confessing their darkest fantasies, some that only a devil could push them to acting on. Even while turning in to the dark lord himself, Ig never forgets the pain of losing his angelic girlfriend or his passion for the truth and revenge. We’re sinfully excited to see this movie!
Loki from Mavel Comics
Cheating? Yep. Long Hair Don’t Care.
- artist cred by alicexz
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In my hurry to write an article worth reading on this lazy Sunday, I received a text from my co-worker, on one of the few shows I recommended she watch: WB’s 1999 hit Roswell. Who hasn’t seen Roswell? Well, apparently, tons of people under 25.
When there isn’t a new episode of Doctor Who, Sherlock (hang in there!), Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Merlin (I’m so, so sorry), what are we to do? Sure, we can browse Tumblr until the sun comes up, literally, but let’s be real, we all want something new to obsess over. Where can we find completed/ended shows that will instill those feelings of angst, those heart aching moments of pure sadness? IN THE PAST, OF COURSE. Without further ado, here are three shows you can find to fill in your void (all puns intended).
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer – I am almost pained to find out there are people who have not seen this. I keep in mind they are but young people, so it wasn’t part of their after school experience like it was for me. BTVS revolves around Buffy Summers, the latest in a line of young women known as “Vampire Slayers” or simply “Slayers.” Slayers are “called” to battle against vampires, demons, and other forces of darkness. Like earlier Slayers, Buffy is aided by a Watcher, who guides, teaches, and trains her. She encounters love (of a particularly forbidden nature) and loss throughout the show, and it’s one that will hopefully grow on you. Buffy has seven seasons and can be found in its entirety on Netflix. Its spin-off, Angel, is also available in its entirety for further viewing. If you’re a fan of Supernatural, this might be the best one for you to try.
2. Firefly – After Han Solo, yet before Captain Jack Harkness, there was another charming man with a gun/blaster who captained the Firefly-class ship, Serenity. While Malcom Reynolds and his crew of eight only get one season in which to invade our hearts, it’s a ride filled with every feeling imaginable. I can’t really talk much about it because I’ll start to feel my eyes tear up and yet again, shake my fist as I swear at invisible Fox Network executives. This show is also the only one on this list which has a nickname for its fans: Browncoats.
1. Roswell – Roswell is one of those shows that was far lesser known than big names like Buffy or Firefly, but for those of us who like the stomach churning agony of Doctor Who, you need not look further. Roswell is told from Liz’s point of view, a regular human girl who happens to live in Roswell, NM, where virtually nothing interesting happens until an argument between customers in her parents’ cafe gets ugly and Liz is shot. A classmate runs to her side and curiously heals her with his alien powers…I won’t say more than that, but I will warn you that there are only three seasons, so it’s a short watch, but will leave you yearning for more which will never come. This is where Colin Hanks and Katherine Heigl got their start, and main stars, Shiri Appleby and Jason Behr WILL become your OTP.
Hopefully, if you’re in a rut and browsing Netflix instant one night, you’ll try out one of these series and find something new to obsess and love! Maybe you’ll try all three and be like me. Or more likely, you’re rolling your eyes at my inherent fangirl and will try none.
Leia Calderon
@ladyvader99
Editor
ladyvader99@gmail.com
Aquaman is the Embodiment of “Fine”
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It is possible that, today, you are single. It is possible that you are single and you are sick and tired of seeing hearts and flowers and naked babies with bows and arrows. It is possible that you are single and you are sick and tired of this holiday existing largely to sap people of money and convince you that you are a worthless lump of human flesh if you don’t have someone to love.
But folks, it could be worse.
You could be in love.
In very, very true, real love.
In something being written by Joss Whedon.
In case you need a reminder of that fact, here are some memorable moments that Joss Whedon provided to teach us that love is doomed and the world is awful.
BUFFY AND ANGEL
Buffy herself put it all into perspective in the series finale when she poses this question to her vampire ex-boyfriend: “What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you?”
It was the human girl/vampire boy trope BEFORE it became all cool and mainstream and “he’s not abusive he’s just protective and YOU JUST HATE TRUE LOVE!” And in this case, things did not work out so well. A short list of things that doomed their romance:
- Buffy is a Slayer, Angel is a vampire or “slayee”
- Angel once lost his soul and tried to kill Buffy and end the world
- Buffy sent Angel to hell to save the world
- Angel broke up with Buffy “for her own good”
- Buffy couldn’t deal with Angel being jealous of her new guy, Riley Finn, who didn’t deserve her anyway
- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer moved to UPN while Angel: The Series stayed on The WB so GOODBYE CROSSOVERS.
- Comic spoiler: after Buffy and Angel fucked to create a new world, Angel got possessed by that world (I think) and killed Giles. I mean, the Giles killing is the important part, please don’t ask me to explain the rest of the end of the Season 8 comics, please. I can’t.
The bright side: Buffy got to give her awesome “cookie dough” explanation in the final episode of Buffy, which I think we need to re-enforce these days.
ZOE AND WASH
The most adorable married couple in the ‘verse, Zoe and Hoban Washburne traveled as part ofthe crew of the Serenity. She was a veteran soldier with great aim, he was a spaceship pilot who played with plastic dinosaurs, together they fought crime. Or committed crime. Whatever was called for that day.
They were happily married! When offered the choice between saving her husband and her captain, Zoe without hesitation saved Wash! Wash gushed about being married to a warrior woman! And the other million things throughout that once season of Firefly that made them awesome.
And then Joss Whedon killed Wash off in Serenity. Mid-sentence. He was a leaf on the wind, watch HOW HE DIES.
TOPHER AND BENNETT
Hey, guess what science nerds? You’re almost going to get together!
And then one of you gets shot in the head!
WHEDON’D!
KITTY PRYDE AND PIOTR RASPUTIN
Joss Whedon trolled the comics world when he took over writing duties for Astonishing X-Men. He led people on to think he was resurrecting the recently killed-off-yes-AGAIN Jean Grey. Instead, he brought back Colossus, who quickly rekindled his romance with Kitty Pryde. And I mean, seriously rekindled in the “Kitty phases through the bed and floor naked at one point” sense.
(EDIT: I have seen at least one request for a link to the panels depicting this phasing incident. Here you go.)
Wait, what’s THIS? Joss Whedon bringing someone back from the dead to put them INTO a relationship? Too good to be true?
Uh-huh.
Because in his final story arc, Unstoppable, Joss Whedon wrote Kitty Pryde saving the Earth by using her powers to phase a giant alien bullet right through the planet. And because of the properties of the alien metal, Kitty ended up fusing herself into the interior of the bullet.
Oh, she’s not technically dead, but she’s FUSED INSIDE AN ALIEN BULLET THAT CANNOT BE STOPPED.
So, remember: sometimes being single isn’t such a bad thing. Sometimes, being single can SAVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE.
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Okay, so it’s the second day of my week long Buffy challenge and it’s been a grueling 20 hours. I have watched all of season one and all of season two and there are some goodies tucked away in there! I figure I’ll do one of these little posts, pick my fave episode out of each season, some highlights, and let you know about my general well being. I am fast forwarding the opening sequences which adds up marvelously. I have not slept at ALL last night in order to complete season 2. Let us begin the breakdown.
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I, ladyvader99, am going to do the unthinkable.
In the wake of losing my day time job, I am going to attempt to watch all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in only one week. Depriving myself of sleep and proper nutrition, this will either be glorious or be a failure. I’m curious to see how far I’ll come to completion. Won’t you join me? I’ll try to tweet as I watch, so please, follow me on twitter (@ladyvader99) as I begin on Monday, August 29th. I will post an update on the site every two days but I warn you: I get belligerent while sleepy so I dunno how much sense I’ll make as the week goes on. Here are the stats:
7 seasons
144 episodes
I need to watch 20 episodes per day.
Wish me luck!
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