JEN’S REVIEW
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. finally premiered this week–I say finally for many reasons, not the least of which being that Joss Whedon is FINALLY back on TV. Second, of course, is that we’ve been hearing about this show coming out for quite some time now, and it’s no surprise that the pilot set an insanely high new standard for the viewing numbers of television premieres (though to be fair, the show does come equipped with multiple arsenals of built-in fan bases).
A show like “S.H.I.E.L.D.” can’t, and shouldn’t, premiere without expectations, critics, and insta-lovers. As always, I fall somewhere firmly in the middle of the pack, though I have to say that so far my positive thoughts are outweighing the negatives. Perhaps it’s not even fair to call them “negatives” at this point in the game, as we’ve only gotten one episode and there’s no way to know where the show is really going yet.
My biggest problem is that the premise of the show seems…cliche. There are heroes in the world, and everyone knows about them, and they all have to make decisions about revealing themselves or remaining hidden. Didn’t this already happen? Didn’t this already happen IN THIS FORMAT? Is this a show about superheroes at all? No–and maybe that’s where the difference lies. The show isn’t called “New York Post-Avengers”, it’s not the “Real Housewives of Stark Tower”, it’s “Agents of SHIELD”. This will be a show about HUMANITY and how it is affected by superheroes walking among us. So does that mean we’ve come full-circle on super heroes? After all, we’ve seen science fiction do this cake walk already: start out debating and imagining what could be possible, then find out whether or not it should be. That genre took fifty years to get deep and meta…maybe now it’s time for superheroes to do the same within mass media. Of course Whedon has done this before, shifting the focus from hero to villain and questioning the meaning of “right” and “wrong”, now he shifts the lens entirely from the Supers to the Humans and asks if there’s really any difference at all.
If it wasn’t already clear, I’m talking about 2008’s “Doctor Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”, which is still among my favorite things ever created. While the two “shows” are wildly different, they also have plenty in common, not the least of which is their quotability. “S.H.I.E.L.D.” had some elements that blended in to the superhero genre, but it is definitely going to be loved for its language. The dialogue at once makes the show self-aware of, (“someone really wanted our initials to spell shield”) and a parody of (“I think there’s a bulb out” and “I think it’s a little poop. With knives sticking out of it.”) the superhero genre, and I hope we get to see more of this blend as the series continues. I don’t know that Whedon could do it any other way.
Or better yet, let your British Wonder twins tell me instead. Yes. This thought pleases me.
Staff Writer
JOHN’S REVIEW
My view of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is unfortunately that it didn’t meet my expectations. It wasn’t what I really expected. I’m cautiously optimistic, but I can’t shake the feeling that the show was missing something. Not sure what though, but I’ll name what bothered me.
First of all it annoyed me how much screen time the damsel in distress, quite literally saved from a burning building, got.
I’m sure you all saw this shot in the trailer. It appeals to teenage boys hoping to save a cute damsel in distress, and Whedon made sure to frame it so that just enough leg was there to make sure that “sex sells” angle was there. Then this still shot of him saving her became a clue and no opportunity was missed to plaster this image on the background monitors as other characters spoke. Which brings me to my second complaint.
The dialogue. No, no, no, put down your pitchforks. What I mean is that the writing sounded good. Most of the episodes charming moments came from dialogue. But oh sweet lord, the direction and pacing sucked. I was never on the edge of my seat. The dialogue was the shows only strength. I had to double-check that Whedon directed and sure enough, he does. What happened man? This is the first episode and I expected a bit more dazzle. Instead you gave me something akin to an episode six, where the characters meander aimlessly on some small issue. It tried to be big with a secret evil organization and an explosion in the beginning, but it never felt big. Maybe that’s a financial issue like the fact that the whole thing felt….
Cheap. The CGI was far from convincing, the camera angles did nothing to inspire, and the little action there was consisted of eight camera cuts to hide how poorly choreographed it all was. You even stole the ending to Back to the Future and somehow managed to make the flying car look cheaper than visual effects from thirty years ago. We all know The Avengers made more money than religion so why couldn’t you guys invest a few more dollars in the spin-off? Is it because it is an almost guaranteed success and you don’t have to try? Or was that premiere simply the pilot you pitched to get the show greenlit in the first place?
It may be hard to believe, but I didn’t hate the show. I think it has potential and I’m hoping the following episodes change my perspective. Right now I’m not a fan, but a casual onlooker. Come on Whedon, make me care about these characters.
Johnny Townsend
Staff Writer
koala@ihogeek.com
We’ve had a great couple years at the movies, so why not give some props to the evil-doers that gave us the best thrills and chills while we wait on Thanos? No reason why not. So here we go:
10) Marissa Wiegler–Hanna (2011)
In this great movie no one saw, Cate Blanchett kills it while trying to kill a young 15 year-old mountain girl. To be unfair to Wiegler, Hanna was experimented on as a child and torn away from her mother in order to become a super soldier. Who wouldn’t want to put a bullet in the annoyingly sympathetic girl? Wiegler is an interesting villain. We don’t get to know much about her, yet we know we hate her. Joe Write as a director does a great job ing making the environment so heady and over-stimulating so that the characters don’t have to be that over the top or fleshed out. Instead of rendering Wiegler boring and under-used, our senses overload with the chaos in the set ups of the scenes and which frames one crazed and great villainess.
9) Andrew Detmer –Chronicle (2012)
Some high school outcasts happen upon super powers and come out (web)swinging…and some unfortunately (and perhaps more understandably), don’t. An entitled thirst for revenge paired with ultimate power corrupt almost absolutely, especially in lost souls who, after years of cruelty and less-than-stable home-lives, ain’t that mentally sound to begin with. Whether you thought Andrew’s villainous fall was yawningly predictable or artfully done, you still have to give props to his car-crushing monologue that managed to almost pulse with pain, insanity, and horror. Chronicle proved that you don’t need a $200 million budget to create movie bad-guy-magic.
Evil Most Foul: Yeah, that car crushing thing paired with the rant about apex predators.
8) Raoul Silva-Skyfall (2012)
Frighteningly blonde and deliciously evil, Javier Bardem gave a magnificent performance as an ex-secret agent with some M-issues. Basically, Silva was fucking nuts and had it in for Bond’s nuts in more ways than one in what is probably the best Bond film of Craig’s run. Silva, however, is the best Bond villain in a long, long time. The dude has it all: genius plots and plans, creepy accent, unsettling disfigurement, and ultimately some deserved sympathy from the audience due to his poor choice in surrogate mother-figures. It’s totally fun to suspend any and all sense of reality with Silva for two hours right up to the beautiful, bloody end.
Evil Most Foul: Killing Severine
7) Dr. Josef Heiter– The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2010)
Half Doctor Frankenstein…half fetish video director, Heiter was the highlight of the gross-out film, unless you’re really in to watching people forcefully ingest shit. I loved his tasteful (it’s hard to use that word in a sentence talking about this movie) homage to the fantastic mad scientists of the cinematic past. Heiter truly is the modern, yet somehow believable crazed science-guy of this decade. While the film flies the banner of “100% medically accurate,” Doctor Heiter almost passes as a believable fiend you could meet on the side of the road in Germany. Let’s never go to Germany.
Evil Most Foul: Gee, I don’t know….maybe that bit about sewing three people ass-to-mouth.
6)Ravenna- Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
Ravenna’s oozing wickedness turned what would have been a very mediocre film into something damn near watchable. Sure a lot of her props were props (director Rupert Sanders did some banging work with special effects), but underneath was a performance filled with desperation, jealousy, and cold-blooded hate. Ok, scratch that last one. While some villains are perfectly evil, the best are dynamic with depth and a sad tale of their own. We glimpse Ravenna’s less-than-happy beginnings with enough time to exchange some feels before losing ourselves again in her beautifully rendered magics and bulging scary eyeballs. Hey look, Ma, made it through this whole thing without a Kristen Stewart joke.
Evil Most Foul: Killing the young rebel while leaving his father to tell the tale.
5)Calvin J. Candi- Django Unchained (2012)
There was a whole lot of movie evil in 2012, but this mother fucker might have all the other baddies beat. He was the dragon that kept fiery-watch over the imprisoned princess at the top of the tower, so you know we had to hate him. He was also incestuous, obnoxious, and oh yeah… he owned a bunch of slaves and delighted in making them fight to the death. Candi had a seemingly endless need to watch our heroes, Django and Dr. Shultz, squirm in his bloody fist. Mistaaaaake. Candi wouldn’t be half the villain he was if he hadn’t been so perfectly played by DiCaprio. Never have I wanted to see a bastard get his so bad, though it may have been the accent.
Evil Most Foul: Probably the crazy rant about eugenics over what may have otherwise been a pleasant dessert.
4) Loki- Thor (2011), Avengers(2012)
He may be the most beloved villain of all time which means sometimes I think he’s more cuddly than diabolical. Still, despite Hiddle’s dreamy eyes, nose, ears, and everything, he did try to dominate the human race under his opera-glasses of will. Powered with more one-liners than actual powers in The Avengers, Loki’s jaw dropping exchange with Black Widow reminded me just how damn evil he really is and almost made me forget the Hiddleston within. I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again, the greatest villains are as complex as they are heinous, and Loki’s got feels out the yang. With a frost giant for a dad and a family chip on his shoulder heavier than Mjolnir, he was destined to be bad and we are oh so glad he was.
Evil Most Foul: Most definitely belting that red shirt with his staff before removing the good gentleman’s eyeball. Was he or was he not rocking the most fiendish scarf this side of the rainbow bridge?
3) The Joker– The Dark Knight (2008)
Ok, so maybe the clown prince of crime has gotten bumped down on the list from the top spot because of a certain recent DC storyline that I ended up not being so pleased with. Joker’s been done a thousand ways and been around for a bajillion years, but there was something more than special about Ledger’s take on the character. He wasn’t more insane or more funny, or more cruel than every Joker before him, yet there was something down right nasty in Nolan’s big bad. He fit so perfectly in this universe as the realistic foil to Batman’s preparation and vigilance He has no plan, no great sceme. He doesn’t want to takeover and rule Gotham, and ultimately his point is pointless, yet he still exits the stage laughing.
Evil Most Foul: Blowing Rachel Dawes to little bits.
2) Lord Voldemort- Harry Potter Franchise
Many of the Harry Potter movies have their positives and their sucks, but one thing that deserves recognition is the awesome portrayal of the Dark Lord throughout all the films that he deigned to show up in. Flat-faced and murderous, Voldemort cared for no one but himself and in the quest for all power, was ultimately felled by his own fear of death and weakness. Many things make Voldemort the near perfect villain: Creepy face, evil magical powers, chilling laugh, diabolical name, but it is in his defeat that we see why he’s managed to out-bad all the rest: his downfall was designed to teach us all a lesson of love, hope, and friendship. He wasn’t defeated by a bomb or a knock-out battle really. In the end it was only the anthesis of evil that could end his terror, so logically he must be the very locus of evil.
Evil Most Foul: Hugging it out with Malfoy.
1) Hans Landa- Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Magical baddies are cute, but villains made up from the not so distant past that are so freaking evil that an entire theater bursts in to uncontrollable applause when the heroes take them out? Such is the power of Nazis, man. There is nothing that will deliver assuredly in the villain department as a Nazi on the warpath for the mass elimination of an entire race. However, instead of the crazed Jew-hunting maniac that we’re used to, Landa is subtle and therefor much more disgusting. His temper is almost non-existence and unlike all of the other entries on this list, I really don’t think insane can be applied to his particular kind of evil. This is a man who hunts down humans for a living. He’s good at it, he enjoys it, and by the time we meet him, he has wrapped his own legend around himself like a theater cape. It’s not enough to perform his job successfully or even mercilessly. There must be pageantry; there must be a show in which he is the star, puppet-master, and soul audience member. Landa wins this little non-competition based on an imagined poll that I didn’t take, but we should all know to be true: Watching that swastika carved in to his face was the most satisfying comeuppance to any villain ever.
Evil Most Foul: Of Milk and Au Revoir Soshanna!
Kaitlyn D
@deadrabbit92
Staff-writer
In no specific order, these are my top five favorite movies of 2012. Agree? Disagree? Did I miss the greatest movie ever? Let me know.
1) Ted
This has to be the funniest movie I have seen since Borat. Ballsy to so many degrees, this movie restored my faith in Seth McFarlane and proved he might have some chops as a director. Standout scenes for me were Mark Wahlbergs memorization of the trailer trash names, the entire Flash Gordon sequence at the party, and the really creepy kidnapper who managed to add a true splash of horror to the film.
2) The Avengers
Shamelessly blockbuster. A story that does nothing new. I should have hated this movie, but the character development is just too… Damn…Good…. Standout scenes for me were any scene with Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner, Hawkeye shooting people without looking at them, and the Hulk punching Thor. Read my full review here (http://ihogeek.com/2012/05/02/ihog-the-movies-the-avengers-spoiler-free/)
3) Django Unchained
Equal parts violent and hilarious, Django Unchained exceeded Quentin Tarantino’s point by tackling the tricky subject of slavery without tiptoeing around the ugly parts. In fact he embraced all the ugly and elevated the film due to this. He also managed to point out that racism could have happened from slaves themselves through one of the best characters seen on-screen in a long time (“Stephen”, Samuel L Jackson). Standout scenes were any time Christoph Waltz was on-screen, a gunfight that rivals Scarface’s finale, and a group of racist marauders and their masks.
4) Prometheus
Filmed digitally and providing an aesthetic you can’t find anywhere except for a Ridley Scott film, Prometheus managed to be a prequel to the Aliens films and also be entirely unrelated. Right? Filling my quota for “sweet ass sci-fi stuff”, I adored every minute of it and was really sad when it ended. Standout scenes were Michael Fassbender’s knockout performance as David, the acid-spewing cobras, and the awakening of the Promethean.
Read my full review here (http://ihogeek.com/2012/06/08/ihog-the-movies-prometheus/)
5) The Cabin in the Woods
This movie started off as a quick fix for my horror movie needs and then suddenly, it blew my mind. The first half of the movie is an elaborate set up for one of the greatest pay offs in horror film history. A love letter and parody at the same time, Cabin in the Woods brings the goods. Stand out scenes were the entire third act, a reference to The Evil Dead and the use of latin, and “pheromone gas” lol.
Read my full review here (http://ihogeek.com/2012/04/13/ihog-the-movies-cabin-in-the-woods/)
Next time I will share my personal worst five movies of 2012.
Green pill!!!
Blue pill!!!
Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen pilllllllllllllll!!!
Blueeeeeee pillllllllllllllllllll!!!
Look, I don’t know what the fuck Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner) was actually taking, but I want some. The movie does its best to explain it to you… in fact, it probably wastes too much time trying to explain a made up pill that doesn’t exist (OR DOES IT?!), but this movie was one hell of a ride.
Coming hot off of the heels of Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol and the Avengers, Jeremy Renner is primed to be Hollywood’s hot new action star. Jeremy Renner’s character Cross is much more of a gun-toting ops specialist than Jason Bourne. This makes sense as Renner was a sniper in 28 Weeks Later, a soldier in The Hurt Locker, a gun wielding badass in MI4, and a sharp shooter in The Avengers (so it was a bow and arrow…. wanna fight about it?).
Did it take some getting used to the fact that Cross liked to shoot more than Bourne liked to beat people with objects from Office Depot? Yes, but in the end it was an exhilarating movie. Honestly Cross is never put in a situation where he needs to use crazy magazine kung-fu to fight somebody, but the movie easily sets up for a sequel and I’m sure he will be doing more “Haiiiiii-yah!!” and less of “Bang bang!…Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!!“.
From an attempted-forced suicide (yes, you heard me right) to a motorcycle chase in the Philippines filled with win I really dug the new-born Bourne (See what I did there?). In fact the opening scene of Jeremy Renner bursting from icy water as his glorious new beard glistened with power, had me pumped. I was all like, “Bring it” after that point.
And then it brought it.
And then it slowed down and explained boring story with Edward Norton.
And then it brought it again.
And then Edward Norton spent 15 minutes showing that he is good at playing hide and seek.
And then they got to the Philippines and all the brought was broughten with a furious dose of broughtitude.
Now onto other characters. Rachel Weisz also brought the only drama that I cared about in the entire movie. Once the “clinical psychiatrist” shows up at her house, shit got real. Sorry Renner… you brought the action, but Weisz brought the acting. Zeljko Ivanek should also be commended for his small, but interesting role (although it was never quite explained). Also… he looks an awful lot like John Malkovich.
After that all the other characters are super irrelevant other than being punching bags for Cross or vague, “Evil government types”.
Is it the best Bourne movie? Hahaha no, but it is good and it feels like it is the start of what could be a very good series of Renner films. I give The Bourne Legacy an 8 out of 10 for an adrenaline pumping movie, but not quite elevating the series to new heights… yet.
I love Sailor Moon and I LOVED the Avengers movie so lo and behold my joy at this mashup :D Be sure to check out the artist and her tumblr!