Abzu derives form the ancient words, Ab, for “ocean,” and Zu, which means “to know.” Developers over at Giant Squid intended the interpretation of the title to read as, “ocean of wisdom.” On surface level, it seems as if Abzu is a game similar in style to Journey, but underwater instead of in the desert. While that is not far from the truth, I feel that the creator Matt Nava took the great model that is Journey, and created a very refreshing and meditative experience in Abzu.
What is immediately apparent in Abzu is the art style and choice of color. This may easily be one of the most beautiful games on the market right now. While it does not have the production value of an Uncharted 4 or The Order:1886; Abzu itself has an art style that puts vibrant colors on blast as you watch seaweed dance to and fro in the ocean currents and the cornucopia of different colored fish swimming in schools of its brethren as they swirl around you in ways that are graphically appealing. So, sure, it may not have the best graphics on the market, but it has an art style that will leave a bigger impact on you than either of the games listed above.
While the visuals are breathtaking, the real thing that will stick with you well past the game’s playtime is the musical score. Just like Journey, the music is composed by Austin Wintory. Wintory’s work on Journey won a Grammy back at the game’s launch, making it the first game to ever get such an accolade. While Journey’s musical score was beyond memorable, Abzu one ups it in every way imaginable. The score swells up in all the right moments, while taking more somber approaches at other times. More than once I found myself setting the controller down simply to take in the amazing score. Eye bleeding visuals elevate the music in ways that are appealing to all of the senses. Nearly one month later after launch and it is still high on my list of go-to tunes when I am at work.
The controls themselves are simple and practical. You will find yourself lackadaisically exploring each area as you discover new fish and take in the beautiful scenery. Rocks are placed so that your character can meditate which gives you a nice view of the area you occupy. The player can hitch a ride on large animals, locate quick moving sea currents, as well as breach out of the water like a whale. There are small narrative moments where the player discovers old tech that can be re-programmed with the intent to follow you from place to place. Additionally, the game adds ancient murals and hieroglyphics that tell a story – if you can put the pieces together.
Much like Journey, the story itself is in the journey you are taking. Piecing together out of context murals and relationships you build with other sea life is just the tip of the iceberg. Come the game’s end, you will have many questions and be left with a plethora of thoughts as to what exactly you just experienced. While it doesn’t have the emotional resonance as Journey, the ending did have a smile breach across my face. It was a grin so wide that it is hard to even claim that the game did not have some sort of impact on me.
Abzu is a beautiful game, with a wonderful score, and is filled with smile inducing moments. If you enjoy these art based, short experiences, I highly recommend you give this one a try. While it may feel like a beat for beat retread of Matt Nava’s previous work, the game speaks for itself as a brand new experience. Ideas are taken from Journey and utilized in brilliant way to create a new experience that still feels familiar in all the right ways. Do yourself a favor and get lost in the world of Abzu.
I was at home scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone, watching some small video that a friend reposted, when my 10 month old LG G4 rebooted itself.
In the world of small consumer electronics, that event is usually nothing special. It doesn’t happen all the time, but having a device say “You know what, I just need to reboot” does happen. We shrug, wait the few minutes for the device to restart, and go right back to where we were. My LG G4, though, got stuck in a booting loop and wouldn’t return to a home screen.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, my LG G4 had a hardware issue that was just counting down to when the phone would die (no recall notice, LG?). According to LG’s January 2016 statement to Android Authority, “LG Electronics has been made aware of a booting issue with the LG G4 smartphone that has now been identified as resulting from a loose contact between components.” Once that contact comes loose the phone bricks and becomes unusable. For some users that time is sooner, for some later. If you have an LG G4: Be prepared.
To the Strip Mall!
The good folks at our local AT&T store, whom we have always been treated with respect by, seemed to have their hands bound. I didn’t buy the insurance, but I was still within the warranty. The associate said they would have a replacement LG G4 shipped out to me, but it would take about a week to do so.
A week. A decade ago, we didn’t have smartphones, but their invention and proliferation has changed society as we know it. My wife and I don’t have a landline in our condo, specifically because we both have cell phones. An extra line would just be redundant, and I’m not about to give Comcast any more money than I absolutely have to. A week with no phone calls or texts can be done, but in this age of information, it’d be like willfully going deaf. Others would try to communicate, but I wouldn’t be able to hear them or even know they tried. Like it or not, cell phones have become a necessity of daily life.
My options were few. I couldn’t trade my phone in early for a new model, because it technically was broken. AT&T also doesn’t have a “loaner” program (seems like an oversight, this would inspire customer confidence). I also couldn’t pick up a phone and return it a week later, as this would incur a hefty “restocking” fee. So I did what I had to do, I bought their cheapest phone available on the spot, an LG B470 flip phone.
Living in the Aughts
I bought my first cell phone in 2001 at the same time as my then-girlfriend. Terrible decision. Don’t join in any contract with someone unless you’re committed to them. Life lesson. From there, it was flip phone to flip phone until 2010.
When my wife and I got married in the summer of 2010, the flip phone that I was rocking was destroyed on our honeymoon by a freak thunderstorm. Seeing as we were newlyweds and about to board a cruise out of country, my phone was the last thing on my mind. When we returned we bought a pair of our first smartphones, the Galaxy S.
This was only 6 years ago. Such a small time in the grand scheme of things, but such a large change in daily life.
Reaching for No Reason: The first thing I became acutely aware of with a flip phone in 2016 was exactly how often I would reach for my phone. Multiple times throughout the day I check my smartphone for new email, new social media comments, or other app fluff. With a phone that really only receives calls or texts, I keep flipping the phone open but then quickly realize it’s futile. It doesn’t have those frills, and if I get a call or text, the phone will let me know.
No GPS or Weather: Without Google Maps or weather widgets, I’ve felt a little lost (pardon the bad pun). Yes, I know, we use to get by without GPS maps and up-to-the-minute weather just fine. But with Google Maps and GPS devices, I’ve long rid my car of local maps. Also, storms just passed through this morning, and I had no idea they were coming. I could’ve used my home PC or work PC to check, but these are both things I have mentally relegated to my smartphone.
No Curated News: I also have felt much less informed overall. Lack of a smartphone means a lack of those in-between moments to check current events. I use social media, but I primarily use it to get my daily news. Groups that I’ve joined are both social interactions and a curated news delivery system. Yes, tell me all the news about Ultima, Star Trek, and Disc Golf! I’m all for them.
No Podcasts: All the podcasts that I keep up with will just have to be skipped this week, too. I won’t clean my house any less, but where I was listening to podcasts during my commute or while cleaning now will be silence or background music.
Tiny Pictures: And pictures on this little flip phone are laughable. Sure, I could take some, I guess, but without the ability to share them, what’s the point? We passed a business yesterday that it advertising itself as a “Cat Lounge”, and I didn’t even bother taking a picture to ask everyone what they thought that meant. I have no idea. A salon? A bar? Are cats welcome? What *is* that?! I couldn’t post the picture even if I did take it.
It’s not like these are monumental changes by any stretch, and are small annoyances at best. They highlight, though, just how integral these little devices have become in our daily rituals. It’s not in the large interactions that they found their use, but in the small periods of time between interactions. That podcast on the drive home, that quick check of social media in the bathroom, that look at the forecast in the morning.
The Reports of the Death of Social Interaction Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
People complain about how things were better before smartphones, though, how we talked to each other more and didn’t have our faces glued to screens. This is hyperbole, of course, but if anything my technological regression is making it clear how it’s *not* the devices that are to blame. People are.
If someone feels compelled to stick their face in a screen over having worthwhile human interaction, that’s the person doing that, not the device. That person who rudely talks on their phone while ordering coffee? That’s a rude person, not a rude phone. It’s essentially the “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” argument, but applied to cell phones. Which is totally true. It’s the act that matters, not the device (cell phones aren’t designed solely for the purpose of death, though, which is the true basis of the guns argument).
So if you’re blaming your bad habits on your phone, nope, you’re in the wrong on this one. The phone is just an outlet to flex those bad habits, but you’re still the one doing them. Same goes, though, for blaming the downfall of society on devices or games. If all it took was a cell phone to trigger the downfall of society, then it wasn’t being held up by much in the first place. Stop blaming Pokemon Go on people’s lack of awareness, blame the unaware people.
A Return to Normalcy
Can’t wait to get my replaced G4 back, though. The feeling of connection, of direction, of making those in-between moments useful again. This has been a fun experiment, and it’s been interesting to note the minute changes in daily life that have snuck up over the years. Every once in a while it’s good to remove yourself from your comfort zone, if only to measure how much you have changed. But, seriously, AT&T, where’s your recall or loaner phone program?
Even before its release, Kubo and the Two Strings was a special movie. Laika Entertainment, who previously delivered films ParaNorman, Coraline, and The Boxtrolls, earned every iota of anticipation. Consistently positive receptions from critics and moviegoers alike act as the evidence. Additionally, those 3 aforementioned projects were nominated for the Best Animated Feature Academy Award in their respective years. Knowing Laika’s visual and storytelling prowess, Kubo logically became a must-see summer 2016 movie for me.
Unlike other kids in his village, Kubo (voiced by Art Parkinson) is a youthful one-eyed street-performing storyteller. He uses magic to manipulate paper into a variety of moving origami shapes while reciting samurai adventures. Before night falls, Kubo journeys back home to care for his ill mother, using his busking money to pay for their nourishment. Kubo yearns for adventure outside of his stories, but accepts the importance of his responsibility to his mother.
One evening, Kubo mistakenly stays out too late, and two supernatural, terrifying-looking sisters (voiced by Rooney Mara) confront him. These sisters work for our main villain, the Moon King (voiced by Ralph Fiennes). The King stakes some sort of claim on Kubo since our protagonist’s birth. Forced out of his village for his own safety, Kubo starts a road trip to collect artifacts that can protect him from the King. Along the way, new friends Monkey (voiced by Charlize Theron) and Beetle (voiced by Matthew McConaughey, for some reason) join our hero in his quest.
Expanding on those characters, Matthew McConaughey gives a voice acting performance to a samurai Beetle. To me, the Texan twang and charm is an odd choice for a samurai of any species. However, I’m more than willing to overlook it considering what works in the movie’s favor. An example is Charlize Theron, who brings much of the picture’s humor with her deadpan delivery as the character Monkey. Furthermore, Kubo, Monkey, and Beetle display strong chemistry throughout, which can be credited to the writing as much as the voice acting.
The writing also pays tribute to Japanese folklore, which is retold in fresh ways here. I’m certainly not educated enough on said folklore to validate what’s true or not, but it’s definitely compelling. Moreover, the writers authored wholly fulfilling character arcs. The Monkey’s true intentions unravel in gratifying ways. The Beetle finds the sense of purpose he’d once lost. Kubo’s quest includes an emotional side dealing with bravery in the face of grief. Tears in your eyes are a near-guarantee as the end-credits roll.
Kubo and the Two Strings shines with not only its completely unique story, but its visuals. Laika and director Travis Knight designed each environment and character so meticulously. Whether an underwater sequence or an ancient samurai temple, it’s all carefully hand-crafted. Laika has an innate ability to convey human emotion using otherwise lifeless objects. The action scenes are no exception. In Kubo, you’ll find some of 2016’s best designed action in a movie, animated or not.
Another commendable aspect of Kubo and the Two Strings is its use of its music. As expected, the melodies contain a Japanese influence, and it’s well-blended. More compelling is the structure of the score. During the epic battle sequences in the 3rd act, the composition’s rise and fall aids in immersing you completely into this movie.
All in all, Kubo and the Two Strings is a near-perfect movie-going experience. The thrills, story, emotional weight, and amazing visuals balance each other effectively, making Kubo a filmic rarity in 2016. Laika continues to make a name for themselves in the world of animation, but they’re still clamoring for bigger audiences. Perhaps the specific animation style or the deeper stories prevent Laika’s movies from becoming box office phenomenons. Nonetheless, in the same year as Finding Dory and Secret Life of Pets, Kubo is not only the best animated cinematic offerings of the year so far, but one of 2016’s best films – period.
Gamescom 2016 has come to and end and this year’s focus revolved around showcasing some amazing games previously announced at E3. The public convention in Cologne, Germany differs from E3 in that regular attendees can come in and get their hands on the hottest games that are coming out over the next year. For the price of a plane ticket.
After watching nearly 100 hours of gameplay demos and stage presentations, here are our Top Ten favorite showcases from Gamescom 2016. I will break down why I chose each entry in hopes to install some hype directly into your brain. Take a journey with me and let me know your favorites in the comments below!
I have not been overly impressed with Recore when I see it. Its vague trailers and extremely short gameplay videos never gave the game room to breathe and show us what it really is. That was all fixed at this year’s Gamescom. The game looks to be a mixture of Mega Man like combat and Metroid inspired world traversal. Team members from the Metroid Prime games are working on this game. So expect the game to be semi open world where getting to new areas are blocked off until you get the appropriate equipment to move forward. Plan to do plenty of backtracking!
Finally we see how the combat works, and the gameplay also seems to be littered with environmental puzzles which will give many of opportunity for exploring the beautiful areas in this game. You have 5 separate core machines each of which can help with combat and puzzle solving. I have been waiting for this game to wow me, and it finally has. Be sure to keep ReCore on your radar when it releases September 13,2016 on Xbox One and PC.
9. Final Fantasy XV
Sure the delay of Final Fantasy XV has taken some wind out of my sails, but ya know what, more time in the oven is always a good thing. Plus when you get a large 1 hour demo of the hotly anticipated experience…that helps as well. This video just reminded me why I have been so excited for this game, and I don’t think anything is killing this hype until launch.
The rumors swirling around the internet about this game being “in trouble,” seems like rampant speculation to me. I have read so many hands on impressions by so many trusted industry types that I am deciding to just be optimistic about it, instead of adding to the worry and negativity that seems to be minimal yet vocal about the development of this game. I’ve played both demos that were wide released and had an excellent time with Final Fantasy XV. The demo seems to show some stuff from the beginning of the game, and finally reveals the voice cast which to me, sound great. We get to see the characters exploring, hanging out in diners, chilling in the car, as well as get some exploration and combat on. Seeing such a large chunk of this game has assured me that this delay, while crappy to hear, is for the best. The new release date for this epic is, November 29, 2016 on the PS4 and Xbox One.
8. Sea of Thieves
Sea of Thieves may just be the jolliest game that is on the horizon. There was a lot of whiskey drinking, tavern occupying, instrument playing, and open sea sailing in the 10 minute gameplay video. The idea of gathering a crew, getting some instruments and then playing ‘Ride of the Valkyries” as you head towards a ship, the music growing louder and louder to them as they realize they are about to be attacked and boarded…it is the stuff dreams are made of. Cannonballs rip through the hull of the ships and begun to flood the lower cabins as you and your crew must run down there and board up the holes so the ship doesn’t capsize…you just aren’t finding an experience like this anywhere else. be sure to check it out next year in 2017 on the Xbox One and PC.
7. Get Even
Get Even is one of the newer games presented at the convention. I had known nothing about this game but now…welcome to the list of hype Get Even. The trailer sets a very weird and freaky tone, but doesn’t tell you much about the gameplay. However, I did follow up with some people who got the hands on treatment. What they described sounds unlike anything to have come out before. The themes are supposed to blend the idea of reality and virtual reality where you don’t know where one ends, and the other begins. It is far from a grounded game, but instead aims for a surreal experience that is just enriched by the awesome atmosphere the game creates. I cannot wait to learn and know more about this one. There is no official release date yet, but the developers have said to expect it sometimes next year, in 2017 on the PC, PS4, and Xbox One.
6. Little Nightmares
Little Nightmares is another recently revealed game. The trailer was very bizarre looking on its own, but all the gameplay I have seen just adds more to that tone. The character you play is always on the run from what seems to be very hungry monsters, and it plays like a Little Big Planet of a 2.5D style side-scroller. The environments are spooky and the traversal puzzles seem straight forward. Playing as a child in the game, expect for childhood fears to play a big role in what drives the scares and atmosphere. I don’t wait to say too much more because the hands on gameplay videos do a great job at really showcasing the moment to moment gameplay. This will be another 2017 release with no official release date at this time. It will be coming to the PC, PS4, and Xbox One!
5. Blackwood Crossing
Blackwood Crossing was constantly on the verge of game of the show for me. It seems you play as a young boy who is being taken care of your older sister. That is about the only thing I can grab narratively from the trailer. It went on to show a very Alice in Wonderland looking adventure where the young boy either via his imagination or through grief (they have dead parents) go on a grand adventure between realities. It seems super narratively focused like many other recent first person experience like games. The real takeaway are the visuals, but what has me continuing to think of this game is the chance for a great story to be told. As somebody who has an older sister, I feel this one will land very heavily with me. The wait to 2017 for this game will be a long one. You will be able to nab it on PC, PS4, or Xbox One.
4. Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
The amount of mystery behind Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, is a good example of how you market a game. We are being told it will be a lot like the originals. Yet every time we see the game it looks to be a first person experience closer to games like Amnesia or Outlast. Yet the director assures us that there will be combat, weapons, limited ammo, and everything that used to make a Resident Evil game a Resident Evil game. I thought the little cat and mouse gameplay we saw from Gamescom was filled with dread though. The idea that something is hunting you (Nemesis style) really brings a tone that I can’t wait to live in. Keep the mystery strong Capcom, because for me it is totally working. I find myself more interested in the game every time somebody shows off something new. The wait wont be suffered too much longer, as RE7 releases January 27, 2017 on the PS4, Xbox One, and PC.
3. Space Hulk: Death Wing
Space Hulk Death Wing is the Warhammer 40k video game I have been waiting my entire life fore. As somebody who played the tactical table top game religiously for years, my ears always perk up when I hear about a new Warhammer entry. Space Hulks are the war ships in the lore of the game. The idea in this experience is that you and your team of Space Marines enter a series of derelict ships. Inside said vessels they will battle the hive minded alien race known as the Tyranids. This is an epic dungeon crawler style first person shooter. The gameplay I have seen looks intense, and the gore is off the charts. Trust me when I say that this is not your average Sci-Fi shooter. This game is still slated for 2016, but don’t be surprised if it gets pushed back into next year. either way you can grab it on, PC, Xbox One, and PS4.
A Don’t Nod is making a new game? Who is that? The people who did last year’s Game of the Year nominee, Life is Strange? Let’s talk about how all in we are for this.
Vampyr is another choice based adventure by the people who can out TellTale even TellTale. The plot is centered around a doctor turned vampire who is slowly submitting what he has turned into.
How does one stick to his own Hippocratic Oath when killing and feeding on the innocent comes first nature to the creature he has become? You choose when, if at all, to kill. You can choose whom you kill and how you do it. Beware though, as everybody in the town you occupy has relationships. Killing off one person could alert a friend of the deceased into something otherworldly taking place. Choose whom you kill wisely. Know that even if they seem like a bad person on the outside, perhaps they have a sick son whom he works day and night for to keep alive. This game delivers those moral quandaries around every turn and I for one cannot be more excited for this game. The wait to 2017 will be a long one, but your PC, PS4, and Xbox One will thank you for picking it up.
Prey had one of the best reveals at E3 in terms of great trailers. Sure it was all CG, but there was something every artistic about the narrative the trailer was telling. Skip forward to Gamescom and now we have full gameplay. With combat and aesthetics that dances between games like Dishonored and Bioshock, Prey really proved that this was a must for me. I loved these aliens that the trailer introduces. They look like a blob of black goop that can morph into different shapes and sizes. It seems your character gets new weapons and abilities to fight off aliens while a Sci-Fi heavy storyline unfolds.
While it won’t be completely open world, it will insist on exploration in the larger areas, much like the original Bioshock did. I am not a huge fan of either of the games this experience is being compared to. However, I respect the hell out of both of those franchises and eagerly away for the end product of Prey. It is a day one purchase for me next year in 2017 when it releases on the PC, Xbox One, and PS4.
That’s it! That is Gamescom all wrapped up in a nice Top Ten list. This list is just gauging my personal hype levels for the presentations I deemed the “coolest” at Gamescom 2016. Write out your top ten list in the comments below and let’s discuss all things you are hyped for!
I’m a big fan of games that offer some sort of character customization – the more things you can add and change the better. I’ve spent hours customizing video game characters to either look like myself or characters from other media. I made Devil May Cry’s Dante and Lady in Soul Calibur IV as close as I could to actual spec, and have even created humorous tag teams like “The Devil and Miss Jones” in the WWE’s line of wrestling games. I like being able to control that aspect of the game, and it generally drives how I play it.
So watching a game like Rust is very interesting to me. Rust supports every character being unique. They started out assigning random penis sizes to the created characters, then adding random skin tones, and finally then adding female characters. So this all sounds great right? Well here’s the rub – all of the attributes are randomly assigned to you – skin color and now gender as well. And in addition to all of the other attributes, character gender is irreversibly assigned to a player’s Steam ID.
Designer Garry Newman explained on his blog:
“We understand this is a sore subject for a lot of people. We understand that you may now be a gender that you don’t identify with in real-life. We understand this causes you distress and makes you not want to play the game anymore. Technically nothing has changed, since half the population was already living with those feelings. The only difference is that whether you feel like this is now decided by your SteamID instead of your real life gender.”
Your attributes are now much like your attributes in real life – completely randomized by the universe. And I 100% get that – it’s an extremely interesting social experiment, and Rust did in fact take the choice of character appearance out of the hands of the player before female models came into the picture. That’s not my problem with it. I’ve rolled characters of different genders in Dragon Age and was fascinated to see different lines and even conflicts in the romance aspect of the game and play female characters in games fairly often.
But the difference is, looking at Dragon Age, I was able to customize my warden before I started. That’s something that’s important to me. My issue with Rust isn’t actually anything gender-based, but the same existing issue with a greater scope – Much like Neo’s realization with the Architect, the problem is choice. Which wouldn’t really be a problem in the first place if it wasn’t eternally tied to your Steam ID. But then again, not being my particular cup of tea, I can always brew my leaves elsewhere.
I get what you are saying and many people play to unwind and have fun. I’m wondering though if this has the potential for a greater social impact than you are imagining.. Perhaps you had a chance to read the recently horrific story about Hande Kader. She was a brave LGBT campaigner in Turkey, where campaigners say hate crimes are becoming more and more common. She was raped and burned to death for her audacity and bravery to be herself. What does this has terrible hate crime has to do with video games at all, or what anyone can do to even begin to address the huge issues of racism, hate crimes and bullying for women and transpeople, or anyone who’s body does not fit within the accepted norm? Video games can be the front line to teach empathy and Rust is a front-runner for it’s unique method.
What do I mean by empathy? It’s easier to hate and harm someone when you fear them, when you can’t imagine being them and you feel like what they are threatens who you are.
One way we can bridge this gap and help people express themselves to others in a positive way is through video games. In an MMORPG, we can all be whomever we wish. Hidden behind a screen, we relate to each other only as avatars and know only the personality behind the keyboard, free of prejudice. This is wonderful to form relationships but it does not give us true empathy unless we take things a step further and get out behind our screens to meet the people we play with.
This is a game that skips the option to voluntarily make an effort to connect with those who are different by instead forcing you to live that life, Rust is not giving players a choice in their physical appearances. You don’t get to choose to make a character that reflects who you want to be. Instead you are stuck with what life (or in this case game life) assigns you all the way down to hair color and breast or penis size. Just like life.
It might seem like an insignificant change, since we have always been able to play characters that are vastly different from ourselves. However, I postulate that since it is mandatory and random, this will have a totally different “feel” to the player. Suddenly it might feel different making judgments about other people in a game when you are subject to the same type of behavior. Don’t want people making sexual comments about your gender? Don’t want jokes about your “package, or race? You’re stuck with it, unlike before in most games where you had the power to choose. Will this forced option make players think twice about how they treat others? Will they redefine ideas of stereotypes when they can’t choose a gender or appearance for an avatar “that doesn’t look like a knight/adventurer/mage”? I say it is a totally new idea and worth exploring.
“It’s easier to hate and harm someone when you fear them, when you can’t imagine being them. When you feel like what they are threatens who you are.”
Rust is now available in the “survive this” Humble Bundle until 8/29/16 https://www.humblebundle.com/survive-this-bundle
What follows is a short list of things that annoy me in this world. It is, by no means, a complete list of things I hate and it may not have to do with nerdy things, but next month is gaming month and I’m saving up all my relevant creative juices for that. For now, have this.
People who stand in walkways
From Comic Con to my place of work, people just do NOT understand that standing in a walkway is god damn rude. I have shit to do and you’re futzing about in my way, impeding my forward progress. If I’m having a hard time getting something done, it had better be because of crippling loneliness or the sudden realization that nothing in this life matters, not that you stopped to have a chat with Lou about what he did on his honeymoon.
When someone asks you a question “just because”
Two weekends ago, my sister asked about my voting preferences. I asked “why” because we definitely don’t see eye to eye on many issues and the last thing I wanted after a steak dinner was to have an argument. Her brilliant reason? “Just because. I wanna know.” NO. YOU HAVE A REASON. YOU’RE NOT SHARING THAT REASON WITH ME. I have dishes to do man, leave me alone until you have some interesting shit to share with me or need my opinion on something. I’m not in the business of talking to mysteries.
I’ve never liked being wet out of context. Showers, water parks, pools, you got it. Falling in a pool in jeans? Ew, gross no. Being in socks and stepping in shower water on the ground? THE WORST. Getting caught in a romantic rain shower with your love? Pneumonia take me now. There’s something about not being ready for being wet that skeezes me out. Maybe it’s that sweating is gross or that one time I went to the beach, got out of the ocean and sat in a sand dune, then had sand rub my thighs raw (did I mention I hate the beach?).Being wet sucks, get it away from me.
People who actively like the Dark Side
You are aware the entire point of the Light Side and Dark Side is that given great power, it’s easy to choose the cool, powerful thing, but much harder and more considerate to try and take care of your fellow man and be responsible, right? Maybe you’re not aware that in EVERY SINGLE STAR WARS MOVIE, the Dark Side is doing some horrendous shit to innocent people. MAYBE THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK DARTH VADER IS COOL, REMEMBER HE SLAUGHTERED A BUNCH OF CHILDREN BECAUSE HE WAS EASILY TRICKED BY SOMEONE WITH THE FACE OF MELT MAN FROM KABLAM.
Food that should be hot being served cold
“We have a really lovely pasta–”
ooo I love pasta
WHY DID YOU RUIN THE BEST FOOD.
Warm food is almost always better than the cold version of that food. With the exception of things like ice cream that need cold to retain their shape, if a food can be served hot, it’s better that way. Cold pizza is inferior to hot pizza. Hot soup poops on cold soup and tells it to stop being a pretender to the throne. Cold pasta mixed with mayonnaise is an abomination and I will fight you if you bring it to my picnic. I used to have an exception for tuna salad, but then I tried a tuna melt and knew I was right all along.
Okay I’m done for now, but there’s so many other things I want to rail on. This article already has little value and increasing the character count will only make it worse, so I’ll stop. Bye.